How Not To Get a Woman to Have Sex with You

I swear, sometimes I think the dating gods hate me….

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy – we’ll call him Marathon. I had a genuinely good time on our date and figured if nothing else we would end up being friends because our personalities just seem to click.

So, a few days later, I invited him to a loft party. I can’t really say that I was asking him as a date, I just thought he might want to go and like I said, friends. He never responded but the following day he sent me a text. We chatted for a while when he confessed that even though he thought I was really cool, he just wasn’t attracted to me.

Now, honestly, I was pretty OK with that because that whole attraction thing isn’t really a big deal to me. I mean, you can’t help who you’re attracted to. There are plenty of fabuously good looking guys that I am just not attracted to. It happens and to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure how attracted I was to him either.

We agreed to be friend and, last Wednesday, Marathon and I were chatting via text. You know, like friends do. He made another confession. This time he told me that I am the only gal he’s met off of OkCupid who he would consider dating. He just felt that emotionally and personality wise I am there. But, he’s intimidated by me because I am bigger than him.

Now, first things first, as a gal who is 5’10, I am no stranger to being bigger than guys I date. The last guy I went on multiple dates with was something like 5’6 so obviously it’s not a big deal to me. But I also know that other people feel differently about it and that’s OK.

However, I don’t recall being that much bigger than Marathon. And, as I later found out, it wasn’t the height thing that bothered him. Apparently he feels that he’s a fit guy and being with a gal who is thick, plus-size, big, not skinny (whatever you want to call it) would cause him to inherit some really unhealthy lifestyle habits. Because you know, all that gals like me apparently do is sit around on our couches and eat. And, a guy who I haven’t spent any real time with knows a whole lot about my lifestyle. Who knew?  Needless to say, by the end of the conversation I felt like the ugliest, beastliest looking woman on the planet.

However, I don’t recall being that much bigger than Marathon. And, as I later found out, it wasn’t the height thing that bothered him. Apparently he feels that he’s a fit guy and being with a gal who is thick, plus-size, big, not skinny (whatever you want to call it) would cause him to inherit some really unhealthy lifestyle habits. Because you know, all that gals like me apparently do is sit around on our couches and eat. And, a guy who I haven’t spent any real time with knows a whole lot about my lifestyle. Who knew?  Needless to say, by the end of the conversation I felt like the ugliest, beastliest looking woman on the planet.

He immediately started to apologize and it seemed like maybe it was an open mouth insert foot kind of thing so I decided to forgive him.

Then, on Friday, we were texting  again. He asked if I was going out, I mentioned how I hadn’t made my way to the shower which in turn, made him comment about fantasizing about me. Yes, that’s right – the dude who is not attracted to me, who thinks I am all beastly and intimidating is now fantasizing about me…naked. And he was enjoying it.

So, being the rather bold and straight forward gal that I am, I called him out on it. According to him, I have such a cool personality and he wants to know what it’s like to have sex with a gal who is bigger than him so he decided he’d like to hook up with me.

Gee thanks for letting me be your token fat girl. Maybe you can go hang out with the other guy who called me fat and said if it wasn’t for guys like him I’d never get laid. You guys seem like you’d have a lot in common.

The sad part is, that’s not even the worst of it. He then told me if he had sex with me, I would probably make his penis look small.

Now, I have been teased for being chubby and called names or whatever.  In high school, I can remember a guy showing me his bumper sticker that read no fat chicks, car will scrape. But never in my life have I ever had my size be responsible for making someone’s penis look smaller. Seriously. Never.

I think it’s safe to say my desire to be friends with Marathon is completely gone. But hey, it works for both of us. I mean, I don’t want a friend who thinks I’m fat and he probably doesn’t want a friend who makes his penis look small. It’s a win win.

9 comments on “How Not To Get a Woman to Have Sex with You

  1. It astounds me what guys will say. I've had guys say to me, "You'd be pretty if you lost 5 (or 10 or 15) pounds," and these are guys who are average-looking at best and could stand to lose a few pounds themselves. And I'm a size 4.

  2. @Beth – It astounds me too. I mean, I love honesty and everything but I don't think this falls under that category. I mean it's one thing if I specifically ask or something like that, then I think you have to be prepared for the answer. But, this kind of stuff is a whole different thing.

  3. First of all, girl, this guy probably had a tiny pecker to begin with- that is what started the entire misogynist fantasy in the first place. The philosophy among "little" men, is "little men do big things".. now a man can be tall but if he has a 5 incher- anyone is small.. 2nd- OK Cupid is no where to meet people…… 3. Most American men ( especially new yorkers) are classless , crass, rude, unromantic , insecure peebodies, who are superficial and looking either for a trophy, a rich girl, or someone who will help their career… oh and if you are 21 its even better. Maybe you should not date corny white boys who are super bratty mommas boys– maybe you want to try to date some latin or black men– they not only bang better , they will appreciate your body— Also if you really want to drop some pounds you should try this tangy tangerine– everyone is dropping weight on it… good luck girl– DoNT LET THE SCUMBAGS BITE- ( from a chubby or x chubby girl)

  4. There is truth to some of your comment, truth dropper. But, the funny thing is, this guy isn't a white guy and he's not American. He's also not a bratty mamma's boy. I also know plenty of couples who are quite happy and met off of OkCupid. Obviously there are sketchy people on there but let's face it, there are sketchy people everywhere. But there's decent picks on there too. I have also found that New York men tend to be far more accepting body than guys in the Midwest. Obviously there are exceptions and I know there are plenty of superficial guys here (they're everywhere). Coincidentally that's one of the reasons that I kicked myself a few times for letting this guy get to me. I definitely work hard to not let the idiots ruin it all — I believe there are good guys out there.

  5. Oh girl. Why why why would you get into this situation and then blog about it? You went on one date with this guy. Then you thought you'd be friends? Why? You just… don't do that. And you invited him to a party? Just, no! Then he says things to you that make you feel absolutely awful about yourself, and you are still talking to him after that? You gave him an opportunity to insult you even worse / more! And then you publicly post his insulting comments? Where is your pride? Why be a doormat for losers you meet on OKCupid? And what possible purpose is there in blogging about situations like this? So sad. Learn from these experiences and move on!

  6. @Cookie What is wrong with being friends with a guy who I seemed to have a good time with but just didnt want to date? I know plenty of people who do the same thing. Also, I invited him to the party before all of this nonsense. I will openly admit that I should not have forgiven him the first time, but then again, how are you supposed to know who to forgive and who not to? I was getting to know this guy and once he showed that hes just an idiot and I would have to continue to deal with that kind of stuff I stopped talking to him and havent since. You make it seem like I should somehow be ashamed of the choices I made with this guy. I am not. His comments are not a poor reflection of me, but of him. I am not sure how this has anything to do with pride. Isnt standing up to him and choosing to no longer be friends with him having pride? I dont claim to know everything or to have all the answers. I did learn from this experience and I moved on actually thats a big part of the theme of my blog. I am really not sure why writing about it is a bad thing. After all, I am a blogger.

  7. Ok, I'll try to explain it. I haven't followed your blog, just read a few posts today, so I could be wrong about this, but it seems like you're seeking a boyfriend-type relationship. And, like everyone else, I think you probably want to feel good about yourself, right? Or at least avoid situations that will make you feel bad about yourself?

    So, working from those assumptions, here's how I think you brought this on yourself:

    1) You had an in-person meeting with a guy you met online (I think?). That's not even a date, just a chance to meet in person and see if there's chemistry. You had a good time. Ok, great, so text / email him thanks for a good time, and then see if he asks you on a date! After a few days, this guy didn't. Ok. Next! Pursuing / chasing a guy who hasn't asked you on a second date is not a good idea – it's just going to set you up to feel bad about yourself. If he wanted to date you, he would ask you on a date.

    So you tell yourself maybe it's just "friends." Why? Why do you want to be "friends" with a guy who doesn't want to date you? What's the point? I know you don't get this, but it just isn't a good idea. It will get in the way of your actual objectives, which are to feel good about yourself and find a boyfriend-type-relationship. Don't you have enough real friends?

    So he blows you off when you ask him to the party, and then tells you he's not attracted to you. Another opportunity to say "next!" and move on. The potential to meet your two objectives is clearly not there.

    Then he insults you again! He says you're too "big" for him to date! By your own admission, "Needless to say, by the end of the conversation I felt like the ugliest, beastliest looking woman on the planet."

    Ok, so another opportunity to say NEXT! and stop talking to this guy, who obviously isn't your friend. But no! You keep talking to him! And he insults you yet again! Even worse! And it's only at that point that you decide you are no longer interested in being "friends" with him.

    This whole situation would have been avoided if you just thanked him for a nice time and then waited to see if he was interested in going on a date with you. But you pushed it, got insulted, and went back for more. Twice! And then told the world the awful things this guy said to you.

    Honestly, dating is hard even if you really have your sh!t together and have good self-esteem. Why make it harder by pursuing guys you met one time who didn't express interest back? You are going to get your feelings hurt every time, and that will just put you in a worse place to try and find what you really do want.

    Trust me: If you meet up with a guy from online, and he likes you, he will ask you on a date. If he doesn't ask you on a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th date, he is not interested. Leave it alone! As you just found out, by pursuing it you put yourself in a situation for a guy to blow you off, call you fat, and tell you he'd be ashamed to date you, but might hook up with you as an experiment if he could keep it a secret. That did not need to happen! Protect your feelings.

  8. @cookie You are right, I am seeking a boyfriend but that doesnt mean if I meet interesting guys along the way that I will toss them aside just because they dont want to date me. I dont think of that as an insult and I also dont think a guy telling me hes not attracted to me as an insult either. Its not. There are plenty of people we just arent attracted to but that doesnt mean I am not attractive to anyone. I have also made friendships and know many other people who have made friendships (some are even best friends) with guys they have met online so I fail to see whats bad about that or how that gets in the way of me finding someone else. Youre assuming that I was really into this guy or pining after him which is not the case here. Thats a whole different thing. I think thats still possible but its pretty tricky. But this wasnt some guy I was super into so I was settling for friendship because he wanted nothing else with me. This is a guy that I had fun with and hung out with once. I didnt think to myself maybe its friends that was something we both agreed on.

    I know that a first meeting isnt a date (Ive been online dating since the dinosaur ages). I also know that a guy will ask me out if hes interested. I had an extra ticket to a party so I invited him. It was really that simple.

    I also have plenty of friends but I wont ignore the opportunity to make another. I mean, should I ignore people that I meet at social events just because I have enough friends? Definitely not. This is the same situation to me.

    Bottom line is, for me, dating and relationships of any form are not cut and dry. You meet people in unexpected places friends, boyfriends, and what have you. Thats something I am open to. I also dont think people are cut and dry. I try things and sometimes I get burned. Sometimes I use poor judgment. I am human. But what happened here was not because I pursued a friendship with a guy I met from a dating site its because I pursued a friendship with this guy. Hes just one guy. And, I would rather get burned than assume I know something and not try at all. You get burned that way as well.

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