You Don’t Have To Be Busy All the Time

Allow me to babble about something for a moment. It might be a little off topic, but sometimes that's OK.

I've noticed a few articles rolling around lately about being busy. Today, at least three of my friends shared this post from a year or so ago in the New York Times. The post is about, well, being busy and how it's a trap and how we easily fall into it.

There are parts about the article that I am not sure I agree with, but the article really made me think about my own life because I relate to most of the stuff the author is talking about. I tend to schedule out my day and pack a ton of things into it. I have been known to say no to friends because I have to work or write or do something. I don't usually blow my friends off or anything and I am pretty good at making plans, but I still say no sometimes. Even for a quick drink or something.

I tend to think the whole "I'm so busy" thing is an excuse. Sure we are busy sometimes, but not all the time and sometimes you just have to say no to things. I am guilty of it too and it's not always intentional, but I think it's a fall back sometimes. It's easy because people don't ask a lot of questions and there's not much you can do when someone says "I'm busy".

Side note: One of the articles I read was also about how people who are busy all the time are probably poorly managing their time. This could be true. I can't find the article again, but if I can then I will write more about that later.

I've always thought that there needs to be a balance between working/doing what you have to do, aka being "busy", and the rest of your life. And I feel like I am pretty good at it. Not always. I mean, there are some days that I work straight through and only eat a cracker for lunch. I could also spend more time with my friends, but when I am with them I am present. I am not secretly working in the background. I have also taken time totally away from everything to take trips with Mr. T and to see my family. I would also take trips with my friends, I just haven't lately. So, like I said, I feel like I am pretty good at it.

But, I would be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I feel guilty. Usually it's not so much when I am out with friends or Mr. T, but more when I am by myself. I almost always scold myself for sleeping in. I tend to feel guilty if I want to just sit on the couch and watch TV, take a couple hours to get a mani/pedi or massage, or just go for a walk. Actually, sometimes it makes me feel like I am being lazy and then I tend to feel bad about myself. Like somehow I am not allowed to just be lazy and take a break. And I think that's a huge part of the problem.

Some of the best times I have had have been when I just kind of relaxed and didn't worry about deadlines and schedules. I didn't worry about what I had to do. Just this past weekend is a perfect example. I had a gal’s night with @Lifesarunway, then Saturday we wandered around Brooklyn. Mr. T came over. We all made food, drank, and colored eggs. We spontaneously decided to make another trip to the tattoo place. We watched basketball and ate wings. Then, on Sunday Mr. T and I went to church and to brunch. We shopped through the thrift stores. We came home and took a two-hour nap. We watched basketball and our shows on TV.

It was a nice weekend. I didn't feel stressed or like I had a million things to do because I wasn't thinking about it. Those are always the best moments and the times that I feel the best about my life.

I guess the point of my babbling is, I think those moments are a pretty valuable part of life and it's an important thing to make them happen rather frequently. We've become a culture of get it done yesterday and respond immediately to everything. We work late hours. We work when we’re sick. And there's really no need to be like that all the time.

No good comes from over extending yourself and trying to do everything. Sure you should work hard and you shouldn't float through life like a lump of crap, but you need to have a balance. Having a life is important and you don't have to be busy all the time. Sometimes it’s OK to stop working, to be a little lazy, to have a little fun. And it’s OK to not feel guilty about it.

Cheating Is Cheating

Confession 1: I have watched Felicity 994 times. Confession 2: I feel inspired to write while I am watching Felicity. Not necessarily about the characters themselves, but it literally puts me in this deep, I can write about anything mood.

I don’t know why that is, but I think it’s because the show is kind of deep and moody. I’ll openly admit it’s probably a little weird. And, yes, you can feel free to laugh at me.

Anyway, the other night, I was doing just that and there was a part where one of the characters says that cheating is different for men than it is for women. As in, for women it’s about feelings and men it’s just about sex.  This isn’t the first time that I have heard something like this. And, clearly it made me think.

Honestly, I have to tell you that I think it’s a load of crap.

Let’s just pretend for a moment that I get behind this idea that women have feelings every time they have sex. And that men always have sex without feelings. Does that somehow make it a more forgivable act just because there are no feelings involved? I mean, we are talking about having sex with another person, right?

I have been cheated on. A couple of different times. I had a guy who had a whole other girlfriend while he was dating me. I also had a guy who had sex with a random girl. He ended up getting her pregnant and marrying her sometime long after we broke up. But, regardless, when I found about the whole cheating thing, there wasn’t even a small part of me who thought maybe it was OK just because it was just sex and no feelings. I had the same feelings with both guys – it was wrong and I was hurt.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not getting all up on my high horse and saying that you should automatically toss someone aside just because they cheat. Every relationship situation is different. And while I don’t think I could forgive someone for it (and I haven’t been able to), I am a firm believer in never say never.

I am just saying a spade is a spade. Feelings aren’t what make it cheating. The fact that you, you know, had sex with someone else is what makes it cheating.

Am I just crazy here?

No Regrets

I saw this on Facebook the other day. I don’t know where it came from – it was one of those things that a friend of a friend posted but I loved it and had to post it as well.

It’s pretty much my life’s motto and what gets me through some of the crazy (and yes I will admit dumb) decisions I’ve made. Well, that along with beer and Jameson.

No really, allow me to be corny and generic for a moment. At the time that I have done everything in my life, I have believed it was the right thing for me. I don’t regret anything because, as this so eloquently points out, things seemed right at the time. Everything I have done in my life has felt right to me while I was doing it. Other people might not have understood it but for me it was right and that’s all I can count on – what feels right to me.

I also don’t regret things because I am a firm believer that if you change one thing in your life, everything else could change as a result. So, if I had made a different decision, if relationships hadn’t failed, who knows where I would be today.

The fact is, I feel like I am where I need to be. And, I wouldn’t want to forgo all the things I’ve experienced and the people I have met just to change one thing.

And now I am done being corny.

My Mom Told Me to Take a Hiatus from Tattoos

And she’s probably right. In all my excitement in my last post with the fried pickles and trips to Hoboken and the Met, I totally forgot to mention that I also got (another) tattoo a few weeks ago. I know, I know. I went with a friend and I wasn’t planning on getting one. Everyone told me I would get another but I was pretty proud that I made it in and out of the place without any new ink.

But, then we were sitting at the bar having our celebratory beers when we had a genius idea. And, a new tattoo was born.

This one didn't hurt that bad though I had to sit really still which means that should totally go under my lists of things I do well on my OkCupid profile. And I kind of felt like someone had kicked me really hard in the head for a few days after. But it healed really fast.

You might think it looks familiar and if you've checked out my website it does. It's my logo that was designed by a friend. So he's pretty pleased with my decision too. I think this is at the top of my faves.

And now that makes eight.

On Living Together

I’ve never lived with a guy but I assume someday I will. Unless, of course, we are one of those couples who have separate apartments. Though, sometimes I kind of think I’m OK with that. I mean I wouldn’t want to live separately but I don’t see the harm in having a place to go to every once in a while

But, honestly, that whole living together thing kind of freaks me out because there are certain things I just don’t think other people need to see me do.

• I like to color my hair in my underwear while listening to the adult alternative music channel.
• Sometimes I sit on the couch and watch the same movie over and over and it’s never a good movie but something lame and cheesy. I also don’t want to be interrupted during this time (see how that other place could come in handy).
• I eat melted cheese on a plate. Literally just melted cheese on a plate. (try it, I promise you’ll like it)
• When I am sick I don’t always shower. So I end up wearing the same clothes for three days, they’re likely to have chicken soup on them. And I end up with greasy hair that’s matted on one side and a crazy nest on the other. (there’s also usually crumbs in the bed and even I hate that)
• Sometimes Justin Bieber pops up on Spotify or Pandora and I don't change it.
• I eat peanut butter out of the jar and almost always lick the knife after I spread it on toast.

Seriously, what dude is going to want to have sex with me after that? I mean, I kind of think if a dude really loves me he will accept me and all of the above. After all, I will accept him and all of his craziness too. But still, there’s a little part of me that wonders how this will all go down some day.

Sometimes You Need A Little Change

When I first started out as a blogger almost three years ago (yikes!), I had no idea about where that would take me. I was just a writer who had stories and wanted to share them. And this blog has done just that for me. It’s also helped me meet many interesting people.

Through the years, I’ve had some big changes – I moved this blog to my own space and made a huge move from the Midwest to New York. But, the overall feel of my blog has been the same.

Over the past few weeks I’ve felt the need to mix things up a little. I think it’s because of a few different reasons:

• Frankly, I need a little change. I feel like there is so much more I can give to this blog.
• I saw the beginnings of a could be relationship and that made me wonder how things would go with the blog when/if that happened. And it made writing content on the blog hard since I didn’t want to talk about him.
• I have a lot of thoughts – sometimes too many thoughts. But some of them don’t make it to the blog because I write them down and then other things happen. So, by the time I get around to it, it’s either irrelevant or totally pointless to write about.  
• Some of my thoughts are what I would consider mini posts and I tend to be more of a long drawn out article writer. I want this blog to be a reflection of my talent as a writer, but also of who I am as a person. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing that.

I’m not sure if that explains my thought process, and, truth be told, there are tons of reasons that I feel the need for a little change. So, the point is, I am going to change things up a little around here.

Don’t worry, you’ll find the same kinds of posts and stories. I will still share all my crazy dating adventures and some advice here and there. But, I am also going to throw in my random thoughts, pictures, videos, my adventures around New York, and anything else that seems like it would be interesting to share. Of course, if you have suggestions for me, please share them! Even if it’s something you want me to see/try in New York. Send them all my way.

Since this is new for me and some of you have been with me since the beginning, I wanted to share my new ideas so things didn’t get really weird around here. Plus, if I write it down, it will kick my ass into gear so I will stop just saying “I should do this”. I am hoping this will be a fun and interesting change.

And, to everyone who reads this blog – whether you have read one post, ten posts, or been with me since the beginning – I thank you from the bottom of my heart.