Check Out Modern Dating: A Field Guide by HowAboutWe (Sponsored Post)

As someone who has written about dating for almost four years, I have read a lot of books about dating. But the list of those I find entertaining and relatable is really small. Well, this past weekend I was able to read one that I can say I would gladly add to that list.

From HowAboutWe comes the new book, MODERN DATING: A Field Guide. Written by Chiara Atik with a forward HowAboutWe co-founders Brian Schechter and Aaron Schildkrout, Modern Dating, like Helen Gurley Brown's Sex and the Single Girl 60s manifesto, heralds an entirely new dating era where the world of modern relationships is as flexible and confusing as ever.

Not sure when to text after a date? Trying to find the right online dating profile picture? Found out that the guy you really like is terrible in bed? MODERN DATING is an encouraging, and practical resource for women at all stages of the dating game. Whether you’re single and looking to sow some wild oats, casually dating, or really ready to find a serious relationship, the tips, anecdotes, and stories will help ease the frustrations of dating.

As a reader, you’ll discover:

• Seventy out-of-the-box date ideas.
• A fascinating infograph on the evolution of dating from the 1100s to present—do you know what era condoms first existed and what they were made of? Or the era that ushered in the phrases “going steady” and “long term”?
• Expert advice from Hanna Rosin (Author of “The End of Men”), Katie Heaney (Editor at Buzzfeed, Author of “Never Have I Ever”), Leandra Medine of ManRepeller.com, Lauren Leto (Founder, Texts from Last Night, author “Judging a Book By Its Lover”), and Claire Cavanaugh, founder of Babeland.
• Funny and useful flowcharts, such as “Can We Be Friends With Benefits?” and “Should I Ask Him Out?"

Out of those discoveries, here are a few of my faves:

• The book is as the title promises – a book about modern dating. It’s not a how to get a man in eight easy steps kind of thing. It even goes into detail about friends with benefits and everything you need to know about it (including a flow chart on if you can be friends with benefits). There is even a section about sexting and sending dignified naked pictures. I seriously think this book covers pretty much any situation you might tackle when dating.
• It talks about how important dating is and not just dating to find a husband, but dating. I’ve always been on board with that thinking. Dating can help you figure out what you want and learn things about yourself.
• The one-date rule the book talks about -- the idea that you should go on at least one date with anyone who asks. I know it might seem crazy, but I have always been a firm believer in that because you just never know. And seriously, it’s just one date. No one ever died from going on a date with a guy they weren’t sure about or if the date ended in some tragic way. Trust me, if they did I would have died a long time ago.

Clearly I think the book is worth a read. I kind of wish there had been a book like this when I was single. Seriously, check it out folks. And if my glowing review isn’t enough to convince you, you’ll also get three months free on online dating site howaboutwe.com with purchase of Modern Dating: A Field Guide—a $54 value! To redeem this offer click here.

Coffee Meets Bagel Reality Series, Ep 1

My pals over at Coffee Meets Bagel just sent this lovely clip to me and I thought it was worth sharing with all of you. It’s part 1 of a 3-part series about two New Yorkers finding love via Coffee Meets Bagel (with help from with the help of Dave & Stephanie from My Almost Married Life). 

Match.com Studies Singles in America (Sponsored Post)

Instead of playing the in the snow last Saturday, I had the liberty of hanging out with some of my fellow friends and Single Edition bloggers. We all gathered for a little event where Dr. Helen Fisher from Match.com presented findings from the new survey about Singles in America.

There were so many findings in the survey – everything from friends with benefits, to romance, to dating, to online dating, to marriage. You name it and it was in the survey. I found some of the stats really surprising, while others I kind of felt were spot on with what I felt and with what a lot of people I knew felt.

You can check out all of the awesome Singles in USA stats for yourself, but I am going to share those that I thought were the most interesting.

Over 84% of those over 50 must have a partner who is physically attractive to them – This totally shocked me. Not that I am trying to judge or anything, but I honestly thought that those over 50 would look more for a partner who they can talk to and laugh with.

91% of men are comfortable with a woman asking them out – This didn’t surprise me that much because I generally hear women say that a man should ask them out while nearly every guy I know is totally fine with a gal doing the asking. That doesn’t mean they feel she has to, they’re just cool if it happens.

45% have had a FWB (Friends with Benefits) relationship turn into a long term partnership in 2012 – This absolutely shocked me. I guess I’ve always thought of FWB as being a “relationship” with a person you don’t actually want to date.  I’ve only really done the FWB thing once and it did not end in a relationship. We tried dating, but it never worked. And I don’t know anyone who has been successful.

90% of those open to marriage believe they can stay married to the same person forever – This didn’t shock me, but I thought it was really interesting. And it definitely set in with the overly positive person in me.

And, the stat in the video below was pretty interesting to me as well. You totally need to watch the video because it’s hilarious, but the stat is that single women are two times more likely to read than men. Ok, I would say that’s probably true. Given what I see on the subway, women are always the ones reading. However, if you ever saw Mr. T’s room compared to mine you would disagree. He has triple the books I have and almost always has a book with him. I sometimes have a book and always have a notebook.

Now it’s your turn, watch the live stream from our get together on Saturday to see all the stats Dr. Helen Fisher talked about and tell me what you think. What’s interesting or shocking? Is there anything you really agree with or disagree with?

Guest Post: Five Things Online Dating Taught Me About Myself

It's been quite some time since I have had a post from a guest writer over here on Not What I Ordered. So I am super excited to present this piece from Liz over at We Love Dates.

Five Things Online Dating Taught Me About Myself

By Liz, Social Media Manager at We Love Dates

Photo courtesy of The Sean & Lauren Spectacular (Flickr)

Whenever I bump into someone who is single and not online dating, I do this really annoying thing where I try to convince them to sign up immediately. Some may think it's because I'm the social media manager of a worldwide online dating site, or because I met my boyfriend of two years online. But while I love my job and I am also pretty thrilled I met my guy, those aren't my motivation for encouraging everyone to try out online dating. I'm online dating's most annoying cheerleader because during my 7+ (yikes!) years online dating on and off, I learned things about myself that I otherwise never would have discovered. Yes, online dating is about scoring a hot date and falling in love, but it's more than just a means to an end. It's a personal journey, and one that I will always be glad I took. Here are the top five things online dating taught me about myself.

I know who I am. Constantly having to fill out online dating profiles or talk about myself to a virtual stranger on a first date helped me figure out who I really am. Taking the time to be thoughtful with your profile is almost therapeutic. I spent way too much time trying to appear perfect online. I only uploaded my most attractive photos that didn't reflect how I looked on a daily basis, unfortunately. When filling out my profile, I'd put down the things that made me seem the coolest or most attractive. Looking back, it seems so ridiculous. When I stopped trying to fit into a certain mold, and was my authentic self, I started to meet guys I was able to establish real connections with. Imagine that.

I know what I want. The absolute best thing about online dating is that you have the opportunity to meet people that you otherwise never would have bumped into. Along with this comes a lot of great people, and quite a few not-so-great ones. Look at the first dates gone wrong or the weirdo who keeps emailing you as lessons and nudges in the right direction.

I don't need a guy. If you're a woman on an online dating site, I fully believe that you could line up a date for every night of the week. And hey, guys-you probably could too. I did this for a month straight as a little experiment for WeLoveDates, and I crashed and burned after a week and a half. I was exhausted and drained. I didn't want to miss out on anyone, but stepping back and appreciating my solitude instead of running from it was a turning point in my life. Being alone wasn't scary. It was freeing.

I can handle myself in any situation. I was raised by a mother with impeccable manners, and taught to never rock the boat, at least in public. Because of this, I had a hard time standing up for myself and felt slightly shy in social situations...thanks Mom, for all that. Not to mention that the thought of an awkward silence on a first date terrified me. Online dating was almost like bootcamp for my personality. I learned that I don't need anyone else to take care of me, and that yes, I am polite as heck, but only to an extent. I've been out on dates with jerks, players, and sexually aggressive men and dealt with it, and them. And now? I'm not intimidated by awkward silences. I can talk to anyone, anywhere.

Be what you want. We go into online dating with a laundry list of things and qualities we want to find in a partner. When we don't find it right away, we complain and say that online dating doesn't work, or complain that the particular site we were on sucked. I would sign up for online dating, become frustrated with the process and delete my profile, repeating the vicious cycle over and over. Things changed when I stopped focusing solely on what I wanted in someone and instead invested and committed to being that kind of person myself. For myself. Looking outward is great-and it's crucial to know what you are looking for in a partner, but focusing your energy inward is just as, if not more, important. The standards I set for potential dates was equal to the standards I established for myself.

About the Author

Liz is the social media manager for WeLoveDates.com, a worldwide online dating site. She posts frequently on their award winning WeLoveDates blog, and is always hanging out on their Twitter and Facebook pages, so come say hi!

The New Guy

Confession: I’ve been sitting here for quite some time trying to write this post. I think it’s part blogger superstition and just part that feeling of uncharted territory (combined, of course, with the fact that I try to stay away from that whole “Dear Diary” kind of thing with this blog). As a dating blogger, I often find it’s hard to know what I want to share. But this blog was founded partially on the idea that I have stories to share so, it seems only fitting that I share my stories.

So here it goes….

A couple of months ago, I met a new guy. We met off of OkCupid. Our first date was at a dive bar. Several dates followed. We talked a lot while I was in the Midwest visiting my family. And even celebrated my birthday when I returned. He even bought me a really nice notebook as a gift (swoon).

Then, a couple of weeks ago, we decided to just see each other. Yes, that’s right folks; I am just dating one guy now. And, since I can’t really call him new guy anymore, we’ll call him Mr. T. Don’t ask me for some brilliant reason for that nickname – it’s a whole lot harder to think of a nickname when you actually like the guy. He doesn’t look like Mr. T or anything; though you can picture him like that if you want (I am sure he won’t mind).

I don’t want to use this post to gush too much about him because a) some things really should stay between couples and b) that’s just not my style. But, I will tell you a couple of things:

• The dude likes beer almost as much as I do. Seriously. He actually searched for beer on OkCupid and voilà, there I was. And, yes, I am totally proud of that.
• He’s walked me to the train platform after almost every date we’ve had. Not the stairs, but the actual platform. Even if his train is on the opposite side. Even if he is not taking a train. He also waits with me until my train gets there.
• He likes football. We like opposing teams, but managed to watch our teams play each other without causing any bodily harm. His team won and he bought me a lot of beer to console me.
• He makes me pretty damn happy. I get excited when I see him and when I get a text and see it’s from him.
• Being with him is easy. He doesn’t over complicate things. And we just seem to fit together.

As for the blog, this is all pretty new to me. I mean, the last time I was in a relationship, the blog wasn’t around. But, he knows about the blog and he’s even read some of it (in fact, I am sure he will read this one too). He might even make an appearance from time to time. So, business will continue as usual around here; though there might be a few less crazies hanging around. 

Love and Sports with Coffee Meets Bagel

Recently I was turned on to a new dating site of sorts called Coffee Meets Bagel. Perhaps it's just because it's named after two of my favorite things or the fact that their Marketing Manager (who is a male and who did not pay me to say nice things about the site) gave me some awesome compliments on my blog, but I think they have a pretty swell concept going on. 

The gist? Basically they match you up with friends of friends on Facebook. I have to admit that I haven't tried it yet, but I am pretty sure I will check it out once I return from Chicago.

But, the even cooler thing is that they do all kinds of studies, reports, and such about random subjects and how they relate to love and dating.

They sent me a recent one about sports. And, I know technically it's from around the Olympics, but I thought it was still fitting because we are starting to kick off football season. That's right my friends, I am a football gal. College football, not pros. I am learning college football isn't that popular in NYC, but due to my Midwest roots, I am still a fan. Nothing beats sitting outside in the sleet and snow with eight layers of clothes on while watching football. 

And, in case you are wondering, I am a Michigan State fan (sparty on, my friends).

Anyway, to celebrate this moment, I thought I would share their finding on sports and love.