I often hear stories about how people break up after several years of dating because they want different things in life. And this has always been something that’s puzzled me. Not that I want to sound like I am judging or anything here. It’s more that I just don’t understand how you could be with someone for so long but not have ever had a conversation about the hard questions.
I guess I just believe that before a relationship heads down the serious-long-term road, you have to have conversations about the things that you want in life. I think it’s important to know you’re on the same page about where you see your life going and how you want to end up. I would actually say it’s just as important as that whole conversation about where things are going between the two of you.
And maybe people are having these conversations, but they’re just not being completely honest about the answers they’re giving. But that’s actually an important point too – not only do you have to have the hard conversations, you also have to be totally honest when you’re answering them. You have to be open and honest about what you want (and don’t want).
I get that it’s hard and sometimes seems a little scary. If you’ve finally met someone that you really seem to click with you don’t want to do anything to mess that up. It’s also a pretty deep conversation to have which can obviously be a little intimidating.
And let’s be clear here -- it doesn’t need to be on the first date or anything. In fact, I would say that’s not the best idea since talks of babies, marriage, and houses with white picket fences don’t go over too well when you’re only a couple hours in. It’s cool to do it whenever it feels right for your relationship. Just as long as you do it some point before things get too heavy and serious.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you have to want exactly the same things or you’re doomed. I’m also not saying there’s some kind of guarantee you’ll find ever after if you do want all the same things. I also know that things aren’t black and white. But, ultimately, you need to know where a person stands on things (and they need to know where you stand) if you’re going to keep moving forward and have a future with them.