Infographic from Match.com: The real cost of dating

So here’s a little something interesting my friends over at Match.com sent me yesterday.

So it seems as though men and women really have different ideas about how costs of dating should work. 

What I find really interesting is the amount of guys who think women have an expectaction about how much they should spend during the first few weeks of dating. I know that I have had guy friends mention that kind of thing. Actually most of them seem to experience a little anxiety about that whole thing which kind of makes me feel a little sad.

I just can’t get behind the idea that a guy needs to spend x amount of money on you when you first start dating and I hate the idea that a guy would ask me on a date and then worry about it. For me that is just not what dating is about. And I kind of think that thing just spoils all the fun of dating. After all, money can’t buy love, right?

I do love though that it seems that a lot of women are totally cool with that whole coupon thing and that many of us don’t expect a fancy restaurant kind of date. I would say I definitely fall into both of those categories.

So what do you guys think? Does the cost of dating matter? How would you feel about a guy using a coupon??

Does paying for a date automatically make a guy a gentleman?

So last week, match.com released data from a survey about singles. As we established with my thoughts the last time they released results I tend to take statistics with a grain of salt. But nevertheless they are still really interesting.

Side note. I was going to write one post about all my thoughts but I realized that I have quite a few thoughts about this survey and all those thoughts really create more than one post can handle. So I will be sharing them here and there over the next few weeks. Be sure to come back to check them out.

Anyway, in the study, they found that 37% of men feel they should foot the bill on a date. Now, before I say anything I have to kind of question what the word should means here. I mean are we talking about men who feel it’s their manly duty or something entirely different here? Because I think that really matters when you’re reading the stat. 

Honestly though, I have to say that I kind of feel that is a really low number. I mean, more often than not I go out with a guy who offers to pay. And generally if he doesn’t pay for the whole thing it’s not like he is rude or forces me to pay. It’s generally more that I offer and he let’s me pay for some (or leave the tip, buy a couple rounds of drinks, etc).

So that kind of leads me to believe that either a) I don’t date guys who are at all normal about this type of thing or b) that number is extremely low.

I should also add in here that this is a pretty common thing amongst my friends as well , that is they often have dates with guys who pay, so I really don’t think it’s that I am just finding the guys that are totally different. And trust me I have had my fair share of guys who have been rude about paying.

Actually one time when I was in college I had a date with this guy. It was a double date with my sister and her husband (he was her boyfriend at the time). We all went to the movies and when my date and I went up to get our tickets we had that crap who is going to pay kind of moment. He kind of looked at me and I said I was cool with either us of paying. Then he rudely said to me that I could pay for myself. I forget his exact words but the way he said it and his tone was obviously rude. My sister will vouch for it.

The fact of the matter is that this whole paying thing is always a mystery. Some people say the guy should pay no matter what. Some people say it depends on who asks who. Some say that you should split it. So it’s pretty confusing on how it should all work.

Honestly, I have to tell you that in most cases I don’t think I really care who pays for what on a date. The only time it really matters is if a guy asks me to some really expensive restaurant or event that he wants to go to. Sorry, but I just feel it’s polite for him to pay in that situation.

Yes, I know how that all sounds and I know that plenty of people think that I am the type of woman who ruins this whole chivalry thing for everyone else. Though, I mean I am saying what works for me here. Different strokes for different folks.

Now, let’s be clear here. I am not saying I don’t ever want a guy to pay for me and I am also not saying I don’t appreciate when a guy pays for me. Trust me I do. I think it’s a genuinely nice gesture. Actually I appreciate when anyone pays for me in any situation because I genuinely believe it’s a nice thing to do.

The problem with the guy paying is that people automatically assume all these things about him which aren’t necessarily true. 

Some of my dates who have turned out to be total douche bags paid on the first date. Remember the guy who tried to get other women to have his babies since I wasn’t up for it? Yeah he paid for everything. 

But then I have also had the guys who have been genuinely nice and almost perfect gentlemen who have let me chip in some money for the date. Some of those guys have even let me pay half. Actually one guy paid for the second date and then I paid for the third.

And I am not trying to say that guys who pay are never gentleman. I am just saying they aren't always gentlemen. I guess the point that I am making is that who pays for what is not the only thing that is important on a date and it doesn’t automatically make the date great. And it certainly doesn’t automatically make the guy a gentleman. 

If a guy is a gentleman then he is simply that. I don’t think that’s something that is dependent on him paying. Actually I am pretty sure you can tell if he is a gentleman regardless.

Match.com releases new study on singles

Recently a research firm conducted a survey for Match.com about the behavior of singles. They surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and I have to say that I found the results to be pretty interesting. Now, let me just say that I tend to be pretty skeptical of statistics. So I know that this doesn't mean that every woman or man out there does or doesn't feel this way but never the less, I found the findings to be interesting.

According to the survey 49% of women disagree that women should be the primary caregiver (versus 38% of men). 87% of women say they would pick up the check on a date under some circumstances and 85% of women believe that it's possible to have a successful career and relationship at the same time. However, In the past year, 89% of women have not asked someone out on a date and 48% of women typically wait for the other person to reach out after the first date. And, with a new partner, women still prefer their partners to initiate sex.

This was probably the most interesting to me because it seems like while the women in the survey are all about being progressive when it comes to a relationship they aren't nearly as progressive when it comes to how the relationship actually begins.

And trust me, I am not pointing the finger at anyone here because I am totally in that group and I didn't really realize it until I read this survey. I would totally pick up the check on a date or pay half. In fact, on my last date, he paid for dinner and then I paid for a few rounds of drinks. I believe that a relationship is a partnership and no one person is calling the shots.

While I will totally contact a guy after a first date I generally am hesitant to actually ask a guy out on a date because there is this little voice inside of me that says if he really wanted to ask me out he would. However this is something that I am aware of (even more so now) so I am trying to be a little better about that. Also, I am embarrassed to say that I have seriously only made the first move one time in my entire life. However, when I have been with a guy before or if we are steadily dating then that is a totally different story. I have no issue with initiating sex in that case. It's just that first move that can be a little difficult. And yes, I know it's difficult for guys too. I also know this makes me sound like a wimp.

The study also found that 54% of men say they have experienced love at first sight, versus 41% of women. Among singles without children under 18, more men (24%) than women (15%) say they want children. This kind of says to me that women aren't always the ones that are wrapped up in love, babies, and relationships. I find my fair share of people who just assume I want a relationship because I am a woman. I am not a fan of that so it's interesting to learn that men want the same things.

I also have to add that I read an article on Yahoo Shine about how ass backwards singles are and that this survey proves it. The article also talked about how Sex and the City is the one responsible for this. Honestly, I find all of that pretty annoying. First of all, I know plenty of people who have watched Sex and the City who have never tried to model their lives after it. Many people can relate to Sex and the City because they see things in the show that they have experienced in their real life not because they are copying it. I don't think the actual series is the problem here. Rather the people that actually think that is real life.

Second of all, why do we always make it seem like it's so dreadfully wrong to have a different view on relationships? How do we know that this isn't the way we have always been but maybe people just haven't been open about it? I don't want to get all women's lib here but the fact of the matter is that there were many things that weren't acceptable for women (some of those things still aren't). This doesn't mean that women (or men) never felt this way. And, just because it's different doesn't make it wrong.