I've been meaning to post for a long time about friendships, but I've held back for a few different reasons. Honestly, I think I just wasn’t sure exactly what to write because I have a lot of feelings about this subject. Then, I was reading a lovely and well-written post over on Bright Lights, My City and it kind of inspired me a little. Partially because I thought hallelujah I am not the only gal who feels this way.
When it comes to friendships, I believe two things.
Friendships are some of the most important relationships you’ll ever have in life. Friendships don’t automatically take the backseat just because something or someone else comes along.
Anyone who tells you making friends is easy is a liar. Let me clarify. Meeting people is totally easy. Finding people you like hanging out with? Also, totally easy. But true, genuine friendships are a whole other beast.
Because of these two things, I take friendships really serious. When my friends hurt, I hurt. When they are happy, I am happy. And when shit goes down with the friendship, you find a way to work it out.
I guess in a way I believe that friendships are a lot like dating. After all, a friendship is a relationship, right? It takes work. There are challenges and problems that come up. But, just like how you work at it with your significant other, you work at it with your friends.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying I am the perfect friend or that you should let your friends walk all over you (or make you jump through hoops). And, I am well aware that sometimes friendships aren’t meant to last until the end of time. Sometimes two people just aren’t compatible as friends. But, I can’t help but wonder if, more often than not, it’s more a matter of hurt feelings and misunderstandings rather that incompatibility.
And, I have to say that if you happen upon a new situation and you start losing friends, it’s probably not because your friends are jealous. It also might not be because things have changed and you’re on different pages now. It could be, but it’s pretty likely that it’s not.
Many years ago when my sister was first married and first started having babies we had a really rough time. We had always been close, but it seemed like we were on totally opposite sides of the world. After some fighting, rough patches, and a whole lot of hurt feelings we were able to work through it. It wasn’t easy, but we worked through it because having a relationship meant something to us. We knew we had to try to work things out if we wanted a relationship and we did. Now, even though our lives are still totally different, she’s one of the closest people to me. And my life wouldn’t be the same without that relationship.
And, I know what you’re thinking – but Jess, that’s your sister. But being sisters doesn’t mean being friends or being close. We are friends because we want to be friends. Because we make it work. We try to understand each other. Even when it’s hard.