Trojan Study About Sexual Preferences By City

Chicago, New York City, and sex. Interesting stuff here.

Today I stumbled upon an article about a study by Trojan. The study surveyed men and women in metropolitan cities about sex.

If you read this blog regularly you know that I don’t get that into stats because it’s kind of hard to determine things without asking every single person out there. And, well that’s impossible. But, nevertheless, I find studies about mostly anything pretty interesting.

What I found especially interesting about this study is the difference between Chicago and New York – my former city and my new city. Per the study people have the most sexual partners in New York City and Chicago is the city with the least. When it comes to taking control, New Yorkers are more likely to say they like to take control while Chicagoans are least likely.

Now, I didn’t move here based on the city’s sexual preferences or anything (no, really, I didn’t). But I still find it pretty amusing that I moved from the city with the least to the city with the most. 

What do you all think about the survey?

How Not To Get a Woman to Have Sex with You

I swear, sometimes I think the dating gods hate me….

A few weeks ago I went on a date with a guy – we’ll call him Marathon. I had a genuinely good time on our date and figured if nothing else we would end up being friends because our personalities just seem to click.

So, a few days later, I invited him to a loft party. I can’t really say that I was asking him as a date, I just thought he might want to go and like I said, friends. He never responded but the following day he sent me a text. We chatted for a while when he confessed that even though he thought I was really cool, he just wasn’t attracted to me.

Now, honestly, I was pretty OK with that because that whole attraction thing isn’t really a big deal to me. I mean, you can’t help who you’re attracted to. There are plenty of fabuously good looking guys that I am just not attracted to. It happens and to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure how attracted I was to him either.

We agreed to be friend and, last Wednesday, Marathon and I were chatting via text. You know, like friends do. He made another confession. This time he told me that I am the only gal he’s met off of OkCupid who he would consider dating. He just felt that emotionally and personality wise I am there. But, he’s intimidated by me because I am bigger than him.

Now, first things first, as a gal who is 5’10, I am no stranger to being bigger than guys I date. The last guy I went on multiple dates with was something like 5’6 so obviously it’s not a big deal to me. But I also know that other people feel differently about it and that’s OK.

However, I don’t recall being that much bigger than Marathon. And, as I later found out, it wasn’t the height thing that bothered him. Apparently he feels that he’s a fit guy and being with a gal who is thick, plus-size, big, not skinny (whatever you want to call it) would cause him to inherit some really unhealthy lifestyle habits. Because you know, all that gals like me apparently do is sit around on our couches and eat. And, a guy who I haven’t spent any real time with knows a whole lot about my lifestyle. Who knew?  Needless to say, by the end of the conversation I felt like the ugliest, beastliest looking woman on the planet.

However, I don’t recall being that much bigger than Marathon. And, as I later found out, it wasn’t the height thing that bothered him. Apparently he feels that he’s a fit guy and being with a gal who is thick, plus-size, big, not skinny (whatever you want to call it) would cause him to inherit some really unhealthy lifestyle habits. Because you know, all that gals like me apparently do is sit around on our couches and eat. And, a guy who I haven’t spent any real time with knows a whole lot about my lifestyle. Who knew?  Needless to say, by the end of the conversation I felt like the ugliest, beastliest looking woman on the planet.

He immediately started to apologize and it seemed like maybe it was an open mouth insert foot kind of thing so I decided to forgive him.

Then, on Friday, we were texting  again. He asked if I was going out, I mentioned how I hadn’t made my way to the shower which in turn, made him comment about fantasizing about me. Yes, that’s right – the dude who is not attracted to me, who thinks I am all beastly and intimidating is now fantasizing about me…naked. And he was enjoying it.

So, being the rather bold and straight forward gal that I am, I called him out on it. According to him, I have such a cool personality and he wants to know what it’s like to have sex with a gal who is bigger than him so he decided he’d like to hook up with me.

Gee thanks for letting me be your token fat girl. Maybe you can go hang out with the other guy who called me fat and said if it wasn’t for guys like him I’d never get laid. You guys seem like you’d have a lot in common.

The sad part is, that’s not even the worst of it. He then told me if he had sex with me, I would probably make his penis look small.

Now, I have been teased for being chubby and called names or whatever.  In high school, I can remember a guy showing me his bumper sticker that read no fat chicks, car will scrape. But never in my life have I ever had my size be responsible for making someone’s penis look smaller. Seriously. Never.

I think it’s safe to say my desire to be friends with Marathon is completely gone. But hey, it works for both of us. I mean, I don’t want a friend who thinks I’m fat and he probably doesn’t want a friend who makes his penis look small. It’s a win win.

Sex Can Change Everything

Remember Red, my former friends with benefits, who randomly decided to come back into my life a couple of months ago? Well, I am happy to report that it didn’t end up being what I was afraid of – a guy who just wanted to cheat on his wife. But, the more we talk, the more I am realizing that our friendship has forever changed.  

Remember Red, my former friends with benefits, who randomly decided to come back into my life a couple of months ago? Well, I am happy to report that it didn’t end up being what I was afraid of – a guy who just wanted to cheat on his wife. But, the more we talk, the more I am realizing that our friendship has forever changed.  

We’ve had a lot of conversations and we both agreed that we genuinely want to be friends. We also agreed that it’s nice being in each other’s lives again and we don’t want to do anything stupid to compromise that.

However, there is just one little piece of all of this that kind of worries me. Actually, let’s be honest here – it’s a pretty big piece and it worries me a whole lot. His wife has no idea that we are friends again.

And, trust me, I am well aware of how wrong and dirty that sounds. But, honestly, we aren’t doing anything wrong. That is, we are just friends again. I mean, there isn’t anything physical or sexual going on between us. We aren’t plotting to sleep together or run away together. It’s just friends.

But, even though our friendship is harmless now, Red’s wife knows about our past. She knows who I am and what happened between us. So while part of me thinks what’s the big deal the other part of me knows it’s obviously a little hard to say “hey honey, remember that chick that I used to hook up with all the time? Well, I Googled her, emailed her, and now we’ve decided to become friends again. Cool?” And as much as I want to believe in understanding and acceptance, I am sane enough to know that no person in their right mind is going to be OK with that.

So now I wonder. Is it truly possible to be friends with someone when your friendship is a secret? I mean the thought that we could be in the same city but not be able to meet for drinks or dinner. The thought that we could pass each other on the street and could possibly pretend to be strangers. All of that is a little heartbreaking to me and I don’t think that’s what friendships are about. I promised myself after Mr. BST that I wouldn’t have relationships in secret. 

And, there’s an even bigger thought. If he can’t tell his wife that we’re friends, that makes what we are doing wrong. After all, omission is betrayal. I don’t believe that husbands and wives have to tell each other every minute detail, but I do believe this detail is a little too big to leave out.

So, even though we genuinely want to be friends again, there is this huge thing hanging over all that and frankly, it sucks because I really missed having him in my life. And I never thought that we’d end up like this. Actually I never really thought about how we would end up at all.

I’m not going to say that I regret anything that I did with Red. I don’t. I don’t really even believe in regrets. But I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a tiny part of me that wonders what it would be like if we had never started hooking up in the first place.

Sex can really change a relationship. I am not going to sit here and say that sex always ruins relationships. I know friends who have had sex and they have come out on the other side as even better friends. So I know it doesn’t always happen. It’s just it did for me.

And I don’t think we will make it to the other side.

Wetter is Better: Single Ladies Love Lube Too (Sponsored Post)

We all know that I gave myself a little 30-day no sex challenge a few months ago. I didn’t forget about what I learned and I am still going to take things slow. But, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little happy the challenge was over – especially because I just learned about an awesome new product that makes sex that much better.

What am I talking about? Well, a personal lubricant called Astroglide.  I know what you might be thinking. But sex with lube doesn’t have to be about necessity. It’s also about fun and it adds another dimension to your intimate play. And who doesn’t like to have a little more fun in the sack?

Astroglide is a leading brand recommended by doctors. And, not just OB/Gyns, but General Practice, Family Practice, and other specialty practices. This personal lubricant is also made with botanical ingredients like Aloe, Chamomile Flower Extract, and Vitamins C&E. That’s right; it’s natural. That means you won’t have to even think about being afraid of chemicals or other things you have never heard of. Because who wants to worry about that down there while you are supposed to be thinking about other things (you know, like enjoying the moment)?

If none of that excites you, how about this? Astroglide Original feels the most like the body’s own natural lubrication. So, you don’t have to worry about things feeling weird or unnatural. Again, who wants to think about that?

As an added bonus, you can take the fun outdoors with any Astroglide product. And, Astroglide X Premium Silicone is great for water and extended play and is made with ingredients found to act as skin conditioners. So, if you are in the Jacuzzi, pool, ocean, or whatever Astroglide X will make your water time play extra special.

What could be better? Well, a special giveaway of course. Right now, Astroglide is giving away free samples. All you have to do is head on over to the website, put in your information and you’ll receive your sample. Totally simple and easy. 

30-Days Without Sex: Did I Do It?

About a month ago, I wrote a little something about my very own 30-day challenge - no sex for 30-days.

So, the big question is, did I do it?

Yes, I certainly did. Anyone who knows me will tell you that generally when I put my mind to something (I mean, really put my mind to something) that I do it. This challenge was no different.

And now the bigger question is, what did I learn? I should probably insert that little warning here because I am going to talk about my sex life again.

I learned that a whole lot of people think you are just fine as long as you’re able to get off. But I actually found that’s what helped me the most. As all these people were asking if I could do things other than sex (and then telling me I would be totally fine when learning that I was allowed to do everything but) I realized the reasons that I enjoyed having sex. Honestly, getting off isn’t at the top of my list. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a great bonus and all, but it’s truly more than that. For me, sex is a whole body and mind experience. It’s not about getting off. It’s the physical closeness. The intimacy. It’s hard to put it all into words, but there’s no other sexual experience that creates that feeling. There just isn’t. And with the challenge, I was reminded of all that.

I also learned that a whole lot of people will misunderstand the point of something no matter how much you explain it. But, that’s just how the world works with everything. Even things non-sexual related.

I learned that sometimes it’s a good idea to slow down, take a step back and really figure out what you want. Most of my life runs at such a fast pace that it’s nice to be reminded that it’s OK to take your time.

I think I also learned the value of choices. I know I have made some poor choices and I am not about to say that not having sex for a month suddenly gave me the ability to do everything right. But, it’s more that I learned that it’s OK to slow down, take a step back and really figure out what you want. And, if you need a little time to figure that out, that’s OK too.

I think the real test will be how I continue. I promised myself that I wouldn’t just go back to my old ways. After all, I can’t really call the challenge a success if I do that. But, I feel pretty good and I don’t think I will be in a rush for anything the next time I meet a guy.

No Sex For 30 Days

Before I start this post, I feel like I need to give everyone a little warning -- if you don’t want to hear about my sex life, you probably don’t want to keep reading. Technically I am not going to share any of the dirty, intimate details or anything. But, this post will most definitely be about sex.

I am the type of gal who genuinely believes that sex is important in a relationship. It’s not the most important thing but it’s still important. I can like a guy a ton but if we don’t connect in the bedroom, it’s just not going to go anywhere. I used to feel kind of bad for feeling that way, but the fact is, it’s something I want in a relationship just like sense of humor, common interests, etc.

I am also the type of gal who believes that the best time to have sex is when it feels right. And, I don’t just mean when you are really incredibly attracted to a guy or when you’re just really horny. I mean when you like a guy and really feel that it’s the right time.

All that is really awesome, but I am afraid that somewhere along the line, I’ve grown a little too relaxed about things. I think I have sex too soon. And, I often use the excuse that I didn’t really want to date the guy, so it’s OK. But that’s not always the case.

Now, don’t get the wrong idea here. I am not having sex with every guy I meet. I only do it when I want to and with people who I want to do it with. It’s a choice that I make and nothing that I force myself into. It’s just, I wonder if I’m often too relaxed about it and maybe I treat things a little too casual. Actually, I wonder if I have lost the ability to see the value in waiting. The fact is that there are some guys out there that I should wait a little longer for. I should take more time to get to know them. You know, see what they’re actually like before I see them naked.

Part of me doesn’t want to wait because I don’t think it really matters when you have sex. And, I don’t want to be with a guy who thinks it matters. I can’t stand that stereotype that I am a certain kind of woman if I have sex too soon. It’s stupid and lame.

But, waiting doesn’t really have anything to do with being slutty or not slutty. It’s more that I want it to mean something with the person I am with. And how can it means something if you aren’t sure if the person you are with means something to you?

So, I was talking about all of this with one of my dearest friends, Miss Taylor Castalso known as the female half of the Urban Daterand we have decided that I should embark on a whole different kind of 30-day challenge -- the 30-day no sex challenge. That means whoever I meet, however I meet him, regardless of the amount of dates or how much I want it, I can’t have sex between November 1 and December 1. Why 30 days? Honestly, I don’t know. It just seemed like a decent amount of time.

I really have no idea if the time I wait really matters. It might have nothing to do with the reason my relationships fizzle out. But it could. And, I know, it seems like waiting 30 days really isn’t that big of a deal. I mean, why not wait until monogamy? But really, the point here isn’t to wait until I am in a relationship. The point is to remind myself of the value of waiting a little while to see how things pan out. It’s a reminder that I don’t have to rush and go so fast.

At the end of the day, I don’t see the point in rushing things. I don’t want to rush sex anymore than I want to rush the relationship as a whole. Sure, sex matters in a relationship, but you have to actually get into the relationship first. That’s what I am aiming for.