A Book Review: Dumped By Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal

Anyone who knows me or who reads this blog regularly can vouch for the fact that I am a positive person. I believe that no matter what happens in life, you let yourself mourn for a while, but then you put on your big girl (or big boy) pants and figure out how to make shit better. I especially believe this is true when it comes to breakups.

So, you can imagine my excitement to have found a book called Dumped by Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal which does just that. Now, I know, I know. Not another book about making up and breaking up. But, seriously, this isn't your average book on the subject. I actually met the authors in person (which is how I was able to snag a copy of the book). They are two fiercely fabulous ladies with a whole lot of sass. I was instantly fond of them and, as expected, their book is totally a reflection of their personalities.

Dumped is like your emergency BFF, your wise Aunt Ethel, or whoever that person is that you really need after a breakup. They'll let you cry, have a few too many drinks with you, and then push you to get back on your feet.

What I really love about Dumped is that it's realistic and easily relatable. Fahey and Rosenthal give the green light for mourning and sadness (for a little while), but then encourage you to move on by embracing positivity in your own life. They'll inspire you to focus on the things that will make you feel like your most fab self (whatever that may be). 

And, honestly, I think the book is fantastic for whenever you need a little pick me up. I mean, I am not even going through a breakup and I felt incredibly inspired. It's also laugh out loud funny. Seriously, I was reading it on the train and I was literally that crazy lady.

So, if you're dealing with the break up woes, stop whatever you're doing, buy the book, and then sit down with a glass of your favorite beverage and read, read, read. Trust me, you'll feel better in no time.

Let's Just Be Friends

I started this week with all these thoughts and ideas for posts. I had them on my sticky notes on my computer and my recorder and I really planned on getting back into posting three times a week or so. But then, Sunday happened. And I am pretty sure this is the longest post I have ever written but I figured it’s OK since I owe you a few.

Those of you who read this blog regularly or who know me in person know that for the past month or so there has been a guy. I mentioned him slightly in this post but I haven’t really said much about him because I wanted to figure out what was happening and how I felt about him in private.

So, let me start with the good.

I met him off of OkCupid a little over a month ago. We talked for far longer than I think I have ever talked to any guy, but he’s new to online dating and he seemed interesting so I felt it was an easy exception. On our first date, I wasn’t totally sure about him. I thought he was attractive, funny, and super easy to talk to but I didn’t know how it would all go down. But that’s not really something you’re supposed to know on a first date anyway.

We hung out a second time and I really started to like him and after our third date, I was hooked. And not hooked in the “let’s be exclusive” way but just in a way that I knew this is a guy I wanted to spend more time with. I knew I liked him. Our third date was on a Sunday and we had planned to grab a bite and maybe a walk so we could end the evening early. You know, because we both had to get up early the next morning. But, our walk turned into what we should do next which turned into drinks at a bar and then drinks at another bar and then ending the evening in the wee hours of the morning.

Being with him was just easy. He made me laugh and he laughed at me. He was so easy to talk to and before I knew it, like three hours had flown by. Truth be told, I felt things with him that I hadn’t felt in a while. And I don’t mean those kinds of feelings. I just mean I really wanted to try to have something with this guy. I wanted to let him in. I wanted to get to know him. Things with him felt real.

Well, now for the bad part.

Sunday night, we had a grueling two hour conversation that started with him telling me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. It made me want to vomit and I had to fight back tears. It was honestly a little unexpected. We had talked over the weekend and I just saw him and the date went well.

He then went on to tell me that somehow he thought that I thought that he was my boyfriend. And the things that were happening between us made him feel like we were in a serious relationship and he just wasn’t ready for that (he’s newly out of a long relationship). Now, I honestly don’t know where he got this from. First, we had just had a conversation about how he didn’t want to rush things. He told me he liked me and didn’t want to stop seeing me or anything but just wanted to go slow and I was totally fine with that. Second, never have I ever referred to this guy as my boyfriend. In fact, he even referred to himself as single in front of me and it didn’t even phase me. So, seriously, I didn’t understand where this was coming from.

Then, I guess somehow he had the impression that I was mad at him for times that he couldn’t hang out with me. This is something that seems to be a pretty big fear of his because of his past relationship. Again, no idea where he got this from considering any time that he hasn’t been able to hang out, I’ve responded with something along the lines of “cool, maybe we can get together another day.” Over Memorial Day weekend we kept trying to make plans but failed because stuff kept coming up (for him) and I never said anything. So, again, seriously I didn’t understand where this was coming from.

We decided to be friends even though I am a little leery of that because we all know how things went down with Mr. BST but I wanted to try because I believe you have to treat every situation different. I kind of felt as though he liked me but he’s just legitimately freaked out. But, his updates on social media yesterday left me feeling otherwise. Read that as I felt like he liked someone else.

I have since learned that’s not that case and it’s also reminded me why Facebook is the devil. So we are still going to try the friends thing. I know it might be a bad idea because I really don’t know how it’s all going to happen. But, I genuinely would like to continue to have this guy in my life. I value people for who they are not what they are. And he means something to me.

I am still a little confused with the whole dating thing but regardless of what it is the outcome is still the same – he just wants to be friends. Despite the confusion, I have managed to learn a few things here. I am a firm believer that you should learn something from situations like this. That’s part of the point of dating.

First, I think I can handle this whole relationship thing. I confessed quite some time ago that I am ready for one but I will also confess that I was scared of how I was going to react when that happened. Now I know that when I really like a guy I will give him a chance.

Second, I want a guy who wants me and who will be willing to try no matter what it takes. I guess this is technically something that was reiterated to me. Everyone is scared of relationships for one reason or another but being in a relationship isn’t about not being afraid it’s about realizing the reward is so much greater (and also that the person you’re with is worth it). I want a guy who feels the same way.

Third, I want a guy who doesn’t make assumptions about me (yet another point that was reiterated to me). While I thought this guy was getting to know me he wasn’t really listening to who I am, at least not when it comes to all that relationship stuff. He took my sweet gestures and desire to be with him as signs that I was demanding and overly possessive. That’s so not who I am at all.

Don’t get me wrong, no hard feelings here at all. This is all a part of dating. So, I am just going to hope/believe in this friends thing. And I am also going to hope that the confusion will subside.

What A Difference A Year Makes

I have a little confession to make – I have had a really hard time with this whole blogging thing lately. Any writer will tell you that they have their moment of writer’s block and it’s one of the hardest parts about writing. Especially when you have a blog. But, over the years I have received two bits of advice that always get me through this kind of thing. A) write about what scares you and B) when you can’t think of anything to write about, just write.

So I am going to do both.

I am at a point in my life where I am the happiest I have ever been and honestly it scares the shit out of me to even say that let alone write it for all the world to see. I think I am afraid that I will jinx it all.

I have been in New York for almost a year and every day that I am here I can’t believe it. It’s the single most selfish thing I have ever done in my life and also one of the scariest. If you know me well, you know that I can be extremely indecisive and that’s for one very big reason – fear that I am going to do something really stupid. I honestly can’t believe that things are going well and that this was one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

I have met so many amazing people and had so many great experiences. And, I know, it’s been less than a year but still, it’s been one hell of a good time.

I have decided to write a book and I have also been spending time with a guy I like. I promise to talk more about all that later but I am just not quite ready to divulge all the details yet. But I will tell you that both have added to my happiness and both have made me realize a few things about myself.

When I think back to where I was this time last year I am amazed. If you remember, it was around the time that Mr. BST was getting married. That is, he was going through with the wedding he had told me he didn’t want to happen. I had a total breakdown and I was unsure about everything.

Here we are, a year later, and that’s all a thing of the past. Never in my life did I ever think I’d be able to say that but I honestly can now. I thought he took something from me and that I would never get it back. But now I think differently. I don’t think someone can really take a piece of who you truly are.

I am the gal who always has horrible luck – just when I think things are going well it all blows up in my face. And don’t get me wrong, there is no guarantee that all of this won’t blow up in my face. I also know that the world isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. But, then again I’ve never expected or wanted that.

It’s just finally I feel like I am getting it right. And I hope that’s true.

Casting Call for Reality Show About Breakups

We all know that I have plenty of my own break up storyes. Well, the other day I was contacted by a representative from a New York based production company called Magilla Entertainment. They're looking for people with the worst break up stories to potentially cast for a new show. So I wanted to share the info with all of you. Check it out below.

Do you have the WORST breakup story in the history of breakups? Did you and your ex reach the breaking point and couldn't help but continue to hurt each other?  Was property destroyed?  Loved ones harmed? How extreme did it get?

Magilla Entertainment and a major cable network are looking to tell outrageous and scandalous breakup stories. There are always TWO sides to every story and this new docu-series will delve into the break up, the retaliation and let each person explain what REALLY happened.

Did you burn their clothes?  Did they purposely make your dog sick?  Did you each sleep with each others best friends?  If any of this sounds like your breakup, we want to hear your story! Please contact us at casting[at]magilla.tv with your names, contact information, a brief paragraph of your breakup and a photo.