I wrote a post the other day about how sometimes I find it a little confusing to tell if a guy likes me. I haven’t posted it yet and I am not sure I will because as I was reading it over I realized that there was a reoccurring theme in the post – it was all about if a guy likes me. And, honestly, for a moment I kind of felt a little sad and pathetic. I mean, why is it that I am focusing so much on a guy’s level of interest in me?
Ok, first let’s get this out of the way. When I first meet a guy I am easily confused. Even though I am really good at writing about dating and awesome at telling when a guy likes someone else, I have a hard time when it’s all happening to me. I over analyze, I wonder, I have self-doubt and so on. Most of that isn’t that big of a deal and I think it’s perfectly normal to feel that way.
But, what I realized is that all too often, I worry about if a guy likes me so I can know how I should react to him. It’s almost like I am waiting for them to decide how they feel about me so I can decide if I should be interested in them. And that’s so not the kind of gal I want to be. I mean, what about my interest in them? Why am I not focusing on that?
Take a guy I met a couple of months ago. We went out a couple of times before I went to visit my family. I knew I liked him but I started to become a little unsure about him. But, it seemed like the main reason I was unsure about him was because I didn’t think he was that interested in me. I wasn’t basing it on how we clicked or if I liked him but just his level of interested in me.
Now, I know this situation doesn’t sound that alarming because it’s pretty easy to like someone but then find out they have no interest in you so then you move on. It’s not really that you don’t like them, it’s just that they don’t like you so you move on.
But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that sometimes I try to give a guy a chance because they are interested in me. A month or so ago I met this guy. We totally clicked personality wise but I was not attracted to him at all. I mean it was a case where I knew immediately but because he was interested in me I thought I’d go out with him again and see.
And, trust me, as I write that I am totally scolding myself because I know if we had went out again it wouldn’t have been fair to him at all.
We all want someone to be interested in us. It’s flattering. It gives us the warm fuzzies. And that’s all nice. But it’s not nice to base your level of interest on how much a person wants you. Actually, I would argue that kind of thing doesn’t really even create the warm fuzzies.
I think it’s important to be aware of a person’s level of interest in you but not to be so focused on it that you forget about everything else. And maybe that’s part of what makes that whole idea that you’ll just know true (and such a thrilling idea). After all, if you know then you don’t have to put so much energy into trying to figure it out.