Lately I have noticed this saying rolling around on Twitter:
Whenever a woman says ‘do whatever you want’ do not do whatever you want.
Or, you know, some kind of form of it. And every time I see it, it’s like nails on a chalkboard. So I am pretty sure the blogging Gods were just begging me to write about it.
So clearly this is a saying that I don’t understand. Seriously. It makes no sense to me at all. And honestly, as a woman, it annoys the crap out of me.
There’s this idea that women want men to read our minds. They should just know what to do at all times. And then it’s OK to get mad if they do the “wrong” thing because they were supposed to know it’s wrong.
Now, before I go any further, let me make it clear that I am not denying that there are women who are like this. I am 100 percent positive there are. I am just saying it’s a little crazy to say all women are like that. Some of us aren’t. Some of us get how ridiculous that is. And some of us don’t think it’s acceptable to behave like that.
I am going to let you in on a little secret, ladies. Men are humans just like us. <GASP!> They don’t always know what you’re thinking and they shouldn’t have to. If you want something, you should tell them. And if you don’t and they do the “wrong” thing, you really can’t get mad about it.
A couple of weeks ago Mr. T and I were trying to figure out our weekend plans. He said there might be things happening in his neighborhood, but he would come to Brooklyn if I wanted him to. I was honest -- I said I would rather him come to Brooklyn, but if things were going on near him with his friends and he wanted to do that then I was fine with coming there.
And, yes, I truly was. If he had asked me to come there I wouldn’t have complained because I said it was OK. If I really didn't want to I should have just said that and I would have. But he ended up coming to Brooklyn. It wasn’t a big deal. He asked what I wanted, I told him, and he did it. Such an amazing process, really.
I am not saying I am perfect or that we always do everything that I want. I have my moments where I’m afraid that asserting what I want will make me look like the bossy, annoying girlfriend. And I think that’s a common fear amongst women and I know sometimes that’s why we hold back; especially with a boyfriend.
All I am saying is that you can't expect someone to know what you want unless you tell them. You don't need to be obnoxious and bratty about it (actually don't do that, ever). But you can’t just sit back and expect a man (or anyone) to magically know and then get mad when they don’t. That’s a pretty unrealistic (and unfair) expectation. Plus, it’s probably never going to happen so isn’t it easier to just tell them?