Top 7 Places to Fool Around

March 15, 2013/ Jess Downey

I would almost guarantee that nearly every single person out there has a handful (or three) of really awesome make out sessions under their belt. I mean, let’s face it, fooling around is fun; especially the kissing part. And sometimes where you’re making out is just as fun and interesting as who you’re making out with. So, whether you’ve found someone new or are trying to keep things frisky head on over to We Love Dates to check out my article, Top 7 Places to Fool Around.

Dating Confusion At Its Best

October 20, 2011/ Jess Downey

I’ve been meaning to share a story about one of the first guys I went out with when I moved to Brooklyn. I haven’t shared it for a couple of reasons. But mainly it’s because I am still not sure exactly what happened so every time I’ve tried to write it, I end up driving myself nuts.

It’s kind of a lengthy story, so instead of going through it in grave details, I am just going to highlight the important parts.

A few weeks before moving to Brooklyn, I decide to change the location on my OkCupid profile. A guy (we’ll call him BG) contacts me and we start some mild flirtation.
BG and I continue to talk and he even checks in with me after the move.
BG then asks me on a date. I accept. (I thought he was cute and I was impressed that he actually kept in contact with me, but wasn’t annoying or pushy)
We meet one rainy night. (Actually, my first full weekend in Brooklyn)
We drink beer, have a couple of shots and have a genuinely swell time. (OK, we were totally snuggled up, making out at the bar)
BG continues to contact me after first date and asks me out again, a few days later. I accept.
Plans were somehow fumbled so I end up meeting up with some friends. (For some reason, he decided to wig out that the time we were meeting was too late)
While I’m out, BG decides he really wants to see me and comes out to play. (He decided to come all the way to Brooklyn from Jersey City, at like 10pm, on a week night. For those of you that don’t know, that’s not exactly a quick and easy trip)
My friends leave the bar and BG accompanies me back to my place. (Truth be told, we had this plan all along)
BG comes into my room and lies down on my bed. I lie next to him and he starts feeling me up a little. I kind of giggled and mumbled something about it being awkward. (In my defense, it was. I mean, that’s a terrible move. At least kiss me or something buddy)
BG sits up, puts his shoes on and leaves. (He says nothing to me. No see you later. No I’ll call you later. Nothing)
The end. (Feel free talk amongst yourselves and comment with a little insight below)

Don't skip any of the steps (to sex)

May 17, 2011/ Jess Downey

The time has come for another post from the Insomnia Club. This month's post is about creating/sustaining sexual tension in the age of instant gratification and sexual bombardment.

When I sat down to write this post I thought of a million ways that I could go with it. I mean sex is everywhere and everyone is telling you when and how to do it. And that made me think of the whole “Three Date Rule” which is something I have never really cared about. Okay wait, maybe when I was a virgin or when I first started having sex I cared about it. But I think that was more because I didn’t want a guy to perceive me a certain way. I don’t recall ever understanding fully why it matters.

Honestly, I don't know if there is just one reason I have never really understood it.

Perhaps it’s because I have really only met a handful of guys who actually care about what number of dates we go on before it happens. That is, I have had a few guys that are like “I don’t sleep with girls until it’s the x number date” or “this is going too fast lets slow down.” And yes, I am totally fine with that.

But I think the main reason is that I could never get behind the idea that you have to wait x number of dates until you have sex is because I think that’s just far too confining. I mean what if it feels right before that date? And doesn’t that put a lot of pressure on the date when it’s supposed to happen? It’s just way too much to think about and way too much planning involved. Sex should be fun and happen naturally.

Side note: why is it three dates anyway? I mean why not five dates or ten dates of fifty? Really, why three?

Now, I have to admit that while I was thinking about the idea of instant gratification and the fact that I am not one to wait a long time it made me feel a little guilty. But then as I really thought about it I realized that, for me, instant gratification really has nothing to do with it.

What I mean is, it really has nothing to do with the fact that I can’t wait or that I just want to skip to the sex part. In fact generally the reason why I have sex with a guy in the early number of dates is because we start messing around and that leads to sex. The making out is fun. The foreplay is fun. I am into the guy and it’s something I genuinely want to do with him.

I think that’s the key thing here. You have to appreciate all the things that lead up to sex. That is you have to appreciate the kissing. The teasing. The foreplay. And it doesn’t really matter how much time passes while you are having that as long as you are taking the time to actually involved yourself in all of that and appreciate every second of it.

And I know that one could argue that the longer you wait the more tension you build. But, as long as you are taking the time to experience everything in between does it really matter how much time it takes? I also know that one could argue that the longer you wait the more tension you build and the greater the gratification you receive. But how many people have had horrible sex because they built it all up in their mind while they were waiting to have it? And how many people have just jumped to the sex part because they have had a month of foreplay?

I guess I kind of feel that you can create plenty of tension during an all night make out/foreplay session that leads to sex. And, obviously you can get plenty of gratification with all of that as well. So, for me, I don’t think it’s necessarily about how much time there is that passes between that first kiss and actually having sex but it’s more about what you do in between.

Never ever neglect the in between.

Read what the other members of the Insomnia Club are saying:

F*cking in Brooklyn

Simone Grant

The Book of Love Was Written By A Sadist

Thank You For Your Sex

How Very Lucky To Be A Girl

Miss. Taylor Cast