So as I sit here writing the last post I will ever write in my apartment in Chicago I have to say it's a little bittersweet for me. And I am not quite sure if I can put it all into words.
On the one hand I am so excited to move to New York. One of my dear friends summed it up quite nicely last week at my going away party. She said, "Jess, this is all you have talked about for the past six years." And it's true, I have. Actually I can't remember a time that I haven't talked about it.
But on the other hand it's heartbreaking. I am leaving everything that I've known for the past five years. Actually I am leaving things that I have known for my entire life. I am a little scared. And not just about actually moving to New York, but I am scared of all the changes that will take place. I am scared of leaving everything behind and being replaced.
I wrote something on my tumblr a little while ago that said something about how even if it's something you have wanted more than anything you've ever wanted that doesn't mean it won't scare you and that doesn't mean it won't make you fall apart.
I firmly believe that.
When I first moved here five years ago I never imagined I would actually be moving to New York. I don't think I believed it would happen or maybe it was just the excitement of Chicago. Whatever it was, I truly never thought that five years later I would be loading up my life and moving 800 miles away.
Chicago is really the first place I've lived on my own that felt like home to me. Nothing really clicked for me until I moved here. This was the first place that didn't feel temporary.
I've had some amazing times here and met some amazing friends. Friends that I think I will have for the rest of my life. I've also lost some friends and had my heart broken a few times. Chicago has been really good to me. When I first decided to move it felt a little weird to me. The idea of someone else living in my apartment -- the place I have called home for the past four years -- felt weird to me.
But now I don't think this place feels like home anymore. It's just bare walls and boxes. Now my home is in Brooklyn. And, ultimately, I am ready for something new and it's time to move on. I am ready to do what I have always wanted to do -- live in New York.
So, I am signing off for a few days. I have a long trip ahead of me and whole lot of settling in to do. But I will be back in a little over a week or so and hopefully I will have some exciting stories. And a whole lot of new inspiration as I begin the next chapter in my life.