I'm Not a Fan of Singles Stats

I realized something the other day – I think I kind of hate statistics about singles.

Let me back up there for a minute. I know quite a few dating gurus and coaches who use them as part of their talks and that’s not something I have an issue with. I mean, that’s really just stating facts. And, when they’re used in an informative way, I find them kind of interesting.

It’s when people use them in the “don’t worry, he’s still out there” kind of way that we have an issue. Like somehow that’s supposed to make me feel better about being single. I mean, let’s be honest here, I know I am not the only single person in the world. Sure, sometimes I feel that I am, but I know that I am not.

Side note: why are people always trying to comfort single people?

We’ve established that I am pretty happy with my single status. But while that is true, I legitimately want (and am ready for) a relationship. So hearing how many single people there are just makes me feel like one tiny little person in all the sea of single people. And that kind of makes me wonder if I will ever meet the one who is right for me.

Let’s be honest here, just because there are single guys doesn’t necessarily mean the “one” for me is right around the corner. It takes more than just being single to be a match for me. Sure, I get that if there are millions of single people your odds are likely to increase. But I still have to find the person I want to be with. The person I love. If a warm body would do, I would have been married years ago.

So in reality, I could have hundreds more dates before I find the one that makes me swoon.

It also makes me think about all the guys I have dated before. And then it makes me wonder how many I actually have let before I have dated them all. Or if I might have to move to another city to get some new blood. Technically I don’t actually think this, but sometimes it feels like it.

I am the kind of gal who likes to make things happen but with dating and finding boyfriends it’s not that easy. There are so many factors that go into it. I mean, I am not trying to make it sound like it’s a big deal here because I legitimately feel that when you find the person that you want to be with it seems easy. But when you’re out there trying to do it, nothing about it seems easy. Sometimes you feel a little lost and like you’re doing it all wrong. So, having someone say “don’t worry there are billions of single guys out there” kind of makes me feel like I am doing a pretty shitty job at this whole finding a boyfriend thing.

So, while I appreciate the gesture people are trying to make, really using the stats to make me somehow feel “better” about my single status really doesn’t do anything but make it worse. 

Does paying for a date automatically make a guy a gentleman?

So last week, match.com released data from a survey about singles. As we established with my thoughts the last time they released results I tend to take statistics with a grain of salt. But nevertheless they are still really interesting.

Side note. I was going to write one post about all my thoughts but I realized that I have quite a few thoughts about this survey and all those thoughts really create more than one post can handle. So I will be sharing them here and there over the next few weeks. Be sure to come back to check them out.

Anyway, in the study, they found that 37% of men feel they should foot the bill on a date. Now, before I say anything I have to kind of question what the word should means here. I mean are we talking about men who feel it’s their manly duty or something entirely different here? Because I think that really matters when you’re reading the stat. 

Honestly though, I have to say that I kind of feel that is a really low number. I mean, more often than not I go out with a guy who offers to pay. And generally if he doesn’t pay for the whole thing it’s not like he is rude or forces me to pay. It’s generally more that I offer and he let’s me pay for some (or leave the tip, buy a couple rounds of drinks, etc).

So that kind of leads me to believe that either a) I don’t date guys who are at all normal about this type of thing or b) that number is extremely low.

I should also add in here that this is a pretty common thing amongst my friends as well , that is they often have dates with guys who pay, so I really don’t think it’s that I am just finding the guys that are totally different. And trust me I have had my fair share of guys who have been rude about paying.

Actually one time when I was in college I had a date with this guy. It was a double date with my sister and her husband (he was her boyfriend at the time). We all went to the movies and when my date and I went up to get our tickets we had that crap who is going to pay kind of moment. He kind of looked at me and I said I was cool with either us of paying. Then he rudely said to me that I could pay for myself. I forget his exact words but the way he said it and his tone was obviously rude. My sister will vouch for it.

The fact of the matter is that this whole paying thing is always a mystery. Some people say the guy should pay no matter what. Some people say it depends on who asks who. Some say that you should split it. So it’s pretty confusing on how it should all work.

Honestly, I have to tell you that in most cases I don’t think I really care who pays for what on a date. The only time it really matters is if a guy asks me to some really expensive restaurant or event that he wants to go to. Sorry, but I just feel it’s polite for him to pay in that situation.

Yes, I know how that all sounds and I know that plenty of people think that I am the type of woman who ruins this whole chivalry thing for everyone else. Though, I mean I am saying what works for me here. Different strokes for different folks.

Now, let’s be clear here. I am not saying I don’t ever want a guy to pay for me and I am also not saying I don’t appreciate when a guy pays for me. Trust me I do. I think it’s a genuinely nice gesture. Actually I appreciate when anyone pays for me in any situation because I genuinely believe it’s a nice thing to do.

The problem with the guy paying is that people automatically assume all these things about him which aren’t necessarily true. 

Some of my dates who have turned out to be total douche bags paid on the first date. Remember the guy who tried to get other women to have his babies since I wasn’t up for it? Yeah he paid for everything. 

But then I have also had the guys who have been genuinely nice and almost perfect gentlemen who have let me chip in some money for the date. Some of those guys have even let me pay half. Actually one guy paid for the second date and then I paid for the third.

And I am not trying to say that guys who pay are never gentleman. I am just saying they aren't always gentlemen. I guess the point that I am making is that who pays for what is not the only thing that is important on a date and it doesn’t automatically make the date great. And it certainly doesn’t automatically make the guy a gentleman. 

If a guy is a gentleman then he is simply that. I don’t think that’s something that is dependent on him paying. Actually I am pretty sure you can tell if he is a gentleman regardless.