Who is Better At Throwing Out The Checklist?

I've never been a fan of checklists. In fact, I actually kind of hate them. So I've never really been the gal to have one. But I know a lot of people who do. And when writing an article about checklists over on We Love Dates, a reader commented that women are better at throwing out the checklist than men.

I found this to be super interesting because I actually think men are far less likely to even have a checklist in the first place. So my curiosities made me decide to do a poll. Head on over to We Love Dates to check out the article and vote.

On Having Friends of the Opposite Sex

I’ve always been the gal who has had guy friends. Not that I have only had guy friends, but I am the type who meets someone and if we click as friends, then so be it. Regardless of what sex they happen to be.

So when people make a big deal about dating someone who has friends of the opposite sex, I don’t really get it.

I guess maybe there might be something if a guy is only friends with females or vice versa. But then I kind of feel like I would need to know why this is the case. And then it’s kind of a matter of why this guy isn’t able to relate to any other man at all. So, I might tread a little lightly, but then again you usually do that when you’re first getting to know a person anyway. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t automatically deem a guy undateable just for that.

But then there are the people who think that having friends of the opposite sex means you might be more prone to cheating. Or, I guess that the temptation is greater or something. Now that is the part that I really don’t get.

Sure, there are probably tons of cases out there where people have cheated with a friend. But, I would say that the chances of that person cheating were probably pretty great regardless. The friend just happened to be the person they cheated with.

And, of course, if a person had a friend who’s all “hey come have sex with me” that’s a different story. In that case, the friend needs to be ditched, but that doesn’t mean all friends of the opposite sex need to be sworn off.

I honestly kind of wonder why no one questions the dude who is only friends with guys. I mean, it should kind of make you wonder why he hasn’t been able to relate to or develop a friendship with any females.

Bottom line is, this is all part of a relationship. You meet, you get to know each other, and you establish trust. And, frankly, if you can’t trust someone to have friends of the opposite sex, how are you going to handle the bigger stuff?

Using a crutch for sex is probably not your best laid plan

We all have our staples when it comes to sex. A lot of women tend to have underwear or something that makes them feel sexy. Men sometimes do a couple of push ups when you are in the bathroom so they feel a little hotter. Those things I get. However, I have never in my life met a man that uses his apartment (or anything in it) as a crutch for sex.

A few days ago, I posted about the guy who was a little to into inviting me to his place before he actually met me. Yes, I am well aware that should have been a red flag, but he apologized so I was willing to over look it. I mean I didn't really know the guy so I felt it was unfair to totally judge him.

At any rate, there's more to the story. Here is the abridged version. We talked about meeting for a drink. I had some things to do that evening so I said that was fine but suggested he come my way since I wouldn't be free until later. As a little side note here, when we first started talking he suggested far too many places that were within a block radius from his place (yes, I know another red flag).

At first he was cool with coming my way, but then as the day progressed he started throwing out all these excuses. He had a rough day, he was tired, he didn't want to stay out late, we would have more time if we met another night - which I guess are all fine excuses except for two things. One, he was perfectly fine with me coming his way at a much later time the night before. And two, every time I challenged his excuses he invented a new one. Oh and his last excuse was that he wasn't even in the city, so I guess that makes three things.

At one point he actually mentioned something about what we would do if we wanted to have a little "fun" to which I replied that I would like to actually meet him before I even worried about that. Then he mentioned something about his bed (which apparently is this really awesome thing) and how it was his crutch. And I am not one to jump to conclusions here but I get the feeling this has worked in the past.

And yes, I kind of saw this coming because of all the picking of places so close to where he lived but once again I like to try to keep an open mind.

Now first of all, let me just say that I am not the kind of girl who is impressed by some guys possessions. If I didn't want to sleep with you before we went to your place and I saw this magical bed then I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to sleep with you after seeing it either. Actually I'm not sure how successful you would even be in getting me back there.

Second of all, I feel like great sex can happen anywhere. Really, if you have the right chemistry and skills two people can do it on sand paper and not even notice. I get that there are certain places that make sex exciting and fun, you know like when your boyfriend says "hey honey I think we should do it in the back of a cab tonight." However, there is a difference between suggesting a fun place that's out of the ordinary to spice things up and suggesting a place because it's the only way you think you will get laid.

Third of all, I would say that if you really have to use your apartment as a crutch for sex then you have much bigger problems to worry about. And I might have to start a whole other blog to go into that.

And in case you are wondering, no, I did not meet this guy. I simply told him that if he was so interested in his bed and refused to come to my part of the city to meet me then maybe we shouldn't meet at all.

Please meet me in person before inviting me into your bed

A little while ago a friend wanted to fix me up with another friend and all the guy could talk about was having me over to his place. And he wasn't talking about cooking me a little dinner and playing some trivia on the Wii (read that as he just wanted to have sex with me). I guess he's had an issue with some women that are just too attached after the first date. So he's not to keen on the whole date thing. Apparently now he is punishing all women, including me.

This is not the first time I have been in this kind of situation.

Some guys seem a little too anxious to invite a woman over to their place, especially when it's a woman they have never even met. Granted, I have taken into consideration that maybe it's just the guys that I seem to run across. Though, I mean really, what is the big deal with actually meeting in public first?

When you are first "introduced" to a woman (whether it be via friends or the internet) shouldn't you want to actually meet the woman first before you make any decisions? Logically, the way to do that is through a meeting in person. Even if you aren't exactly sure what you want from a woman the only way to be sure is to actually go out with her.

To be totally honest, we don't necessarily have to even call it a date here, we can call it anything you want. It can be a meeting, an outing, a get together - you get the idea. And it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. We can meet for drinks or coffee, hell we can even just go for a walk. I just think it's important to actually meet in public.

Always try to keep an open mind when dating

Let me start off by saying that I am not a big fan of The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Honestly, the idea seems completely ludicrous to me. I mean come on. You group the "beautiful" people together at some insanely gorgeous location then send them on dates with helicopters, waterfalls and exotic (read that as expensive) foods. Then, in the end, you choose the person you want to marry, probably propose, and then venture out into the real world to make it work.

What average person dates like that? My last date was to dinner and I waited, in the cold, for the 22 Clark bus. Don't misunderstand me here; I am in no way complaining about this. In fact, my last date was pretty awesome. I am just reiterating the fact that no one I know dates like they do on the show. And that is why it tends to loose my interest. If I am going to watch trashy reality shows, I am turning on VH1.

Anyway, I watched it last night and caught a little of the "After the Rose" show. The host made a comment about how a lot of contestants have mentioned how they meet a lot of different types of people on the show and how they probably wouldn't have met these types if it wasn't for the show.

First of all, let me just say that from what I have seen of the show I don't think it seems like that diverse of a crowd. Sure, the people are from different areas, have different jobs and so on but I am pretty sure that's where the differences end. Second of all, why does it take a television show to force you to meet different types of people? Am I the only one that finds that sad?

As far as dating goes, my motto is to keep an open mind. Always has been, always will be. As woman who has been single for the better part of the past decade, I have been on my share of dates. And I have to tell you, I don't really go for the same type of guy each time. Actually, I am what I would like to consider a girl that doesn't even really have a type. Honestly, I am just more interested in who a person is and finding out if they have what I want rather than worrying about if they fit into this certain type of guy (we've already established I am kind of a free spirited hippie).

Also, I find that as an avid online dater, it's really hard to only pick guys that are a certain type. Actually I am not even sure if that's possible with online dating. Considering there is a fair percentage of people that lie on their profiles and the fact that some people don't take great pictures (not to mention a dozen of other factors), yeah, I'd day that makes it a little difficult. So maybe that's what's made me so open minded.

Though I am not sure how easy it is to do in person either. You could be out and see a guy that you think is just perfect for you. But what if this is the day he was trying something new or his sister decided to play dress up with him? That could be problematic when he shows up on the first date looking entirely different.

Sure, I know that types are not all about looks but when I hear about people not meeting certain types of people, that, to me, kind of implies that they are missing out because of physical attraction. And if you are going out to places that only have one type of person, maybe you should rethink your Saturday night hot spot.

Don't get me wrong here, I am in no way encouraging anyone date a person that doesn't make them happy. No one should date a person they aren't attracted to. Though I have to also say there is a whole world between a guy that repulses you and the guy you want to get naked within moments of meeting him. And do you really have to have that instant desire to see him naked to go out on a date with him? I am definitely not encouraging anyone to date a douche bag here either. Dating a guy that doesn't treat you well is never a good thing and definitely isn't dating with an open mind.

All I am saying is do you really know who will make you happy based on what kind of label you can give them? Don't close the door on a person just because they don't fit in the mold.

Never trust a guy who never calls you over the weekend

It is my firm belief that if a guy only calls you on a Monday night that he's probably not worth your time. Now, I don't really mean Monday literally here, but more metaphorically. You know the guy that I am talking about. He calls you on Monday to see what you are doing and wants to do something that night, never making any sort of plans with you. Sometimes the calls continue through Tuesday or Wednesday but then they stop. Then all of a sudden he resurfaces as the next Monday rolls around.

At first it might seem tempting to think that this guy is interested in you. I mean he is calling you and trying to see you, right? However, it is highly likely that he is not interested in you at all. Even if we do attempt to entertain the idea that there is any kind of interest from him, it is not the kind of interest that you want.

Generally one of two things is happening here.

He has a girlfriend - or a wife, a fiancée, ex-girlfriend, etc. (you get the idea). Monday or Tuesday might be the night that she works late or that she goes out with he friends. She might even live in another city or state and the weekends are the only time they see each other. If she's his ex, they could be trying to work things out or they might have that "off and on" sort of relationship. Don't' waste your time trying to figure out what kind of woman situation he is in. Trust me it doesn't matter and it is more hassle then it is worth.

He's always looking for the next best thing. It might seem harsh, but he only sees you as a "B" kind of woman. Which means he will always be out looking for the "A" woman. If he doesn't meet her over the weekend chances are he needs you to stroke his ego a little by making him think he can at least get someone. This also applies if he thinks he finds the "A" woman and the date totally bombs, he still needs help with his ego. To him, a "B" woman is better than no woman at all. There is no point in wasting your time here either. Go find a guy that wants to be around you any day of the week.

Yes, it is true that maybe you just think he is just a "B" guy too. Which if that is the case and you are both honest about it, then more power to you. Though I still have to say that you could get involved in far more drama than you bargained for. So you still might want to think if the situation is really worth your time.

Also, let's be clear here. I am not talking about the guy who is legitimately busy on the weekend. Maybe he is out of town or is just plain busy. A guy is obviously allowed to have a life and he should have one. There is a distinct difference though between this guy and that guy that I talked about up there.

It's likely that Mr. Too Busy Just For This Weekend will tell you he has plans that weekend and will try to schedule a date for a different time. It is also very likely that he will still be in contact with you over the time that he is busy. He might send you a little text to let you know his plane landed and so on. This will also not be something that happens every single weekend. On the other hand, Mr. Just Not Interested will never call you on the weekends. He won't schedule dates with you or keep in contact with you throughout the week. It is a never changing pattern with him. See the difference here?