Dating for the Jaded

Lately I have noticed that I am a little more jaded than I thought. I hate admitting that, especially for all the world to see but , sometimes, not matter how hard you try you can’t help but be a little negative when you’ve been on failed date after failed date for so long. And, honestly, I think that’s one of the hardest parts about dating – having faith that the person you’ve just met is genuinely good and being honest with you. It’s not an easy task when you’ve been there so many times before.

Now, let me just say that I do not believe all guys are jerks. I really believe with everything that I have that there are nice guys out there. In fact, that’s what this post is about – remembering that there are some truly amazing guys out there and being willing to give them a chance. And I think this post applies to both sexes honestly. There are some jaded guys out there too.

The thing is though, no matter how much I believe that there are awesome guys out there it’s hard in the beginning. We are just getting to know each other so I don’t know what it’s all about. And sometimes that makes the fear creep in.

Some people will tell you that when you meet “that” person, you’ll just know and I do believe that’s true for some people – sometimes you instantly know. But I also believe that even if you think the person is different you might be a little hesitant to believe it all. Actually, let’s be honest you’ll have a few moments where you think “yeah right, this guy is secretly a jerk and I’m just waiting for it to all come out.” Then that whole jaded thing takes over and you end up pushing someone away. Someone who could have actually been fantastic.

And, honestly, that’s a really crappy thing to do. It’s not fair to anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to be too harsh on anyone because I have done the same thing countless times. But, I hate that I do that so I am actively trying not to do it anymore. So, whenever I find myself in that very situation I try to relax a bit and remind myself of the following.

You know that really corny saying about how you should love like you’ve never been hurt before? Well, you have to date like that in order to love like that. Yeah, I don’t like that saying either but unfortunately it’s true.
Always remember that the reward outweighs the risk. Sure, the risk is scary. You could get your heart broken and feel like a total fool because you fell for a jerk. But, you could also end up with someone really awesome. See, reward outweighs the risk.
When you find your brain is going into over drive, tell it to shut up. Generally, I am afraid to trust someone because they tell me something and then I start thinking about the what ifs. And, usually my brain is full of crap. So, seriously, tell it to shut up.
Be realistic about your expectations. Prince Charming doesn’t exist. There are a lot of really great guys out there (really, I have met them). These guys will do really amazing things and be kind and generous. But, they are still human beings so they are going to mess up sometimes too. If a guy “messes up” don’t assume he’s just being a jerk.
It’s OK to think about the bad but remember the good too. It’s so easy to see the bad in things and then assume it’s going to turn out like all the rest. But, if you see the bad take a minute to remind yourself of the good too.
Don’t compare. Don’t compare him to your ex. Don’t compare him to your best friend’s ex or her current boyfriend. You don’t have to have the same kind of relationship they do so just get to know the guy and find out what works for the two of you.
Remember that he doesn’t know you either. He might have a whole list of fears of his own.

Also thanks to the lovely ladies I met/knew at last weekend's Chowbunga party for inspiration for this post.