Let's Just Be Friends

I started this week with all these thoughts and ideas for posts. I had them on my sticky notes on my computer and my recorder and I really planned on getting back into posting three times a week or so. But then, Sunday happened. And I am pretty sure this is the longest post I have ever written but I figured it’s OK since I owe you a few.

Those of you who read this blog regularly or who know me in person know that for the past month or so there has been a guy. I mentioned him slightly in this post but I haven’t really said much about him because I wanted to figure out what was happening and how I felt about him in private.

So, let me start with the good.

I met him off of OkCupid a little over a month ago. We talked for far longer than I think I have ever talked to any guy, but he’s new to online dating and he seemed interesting so I felt it was an easy exception. On our first date, I wasn’t totally sure about him. I thought he was attractive, funny, and super easy to talk to but I didn’t know how it would all go down. But that’s not really something you’re supposed to know on a first date anyway.

We hung out a second time and I really started to like him and after our third date, I was hooked. And not hooked in the “let’s be exclusive” way but just in a way that I knew this is a guy I wanted to spend more time with. I knew I liked him. Our third date was on a Sunday and we had planned to grab a bite and maybe a walk so we could end the evening early. You know, because we both had to get up early the next morning. But, our walk turned into what we should do next which turned into drinks at a bar and then drinks at another bar and then ending the evening in the wee hours of the morning.

Being with him was just easy. He made me laugh and he laughed at me. He was so easy to talk to and before I knew it, like three hours had flown by. Truth be told, I felt things with him that I hadn’t felt in a while. And I don’t mean those kinds of feelings. I just mean I really wanted to try to have something with this guy. I wanted to let him in. I wanted to get to know him. Things with him felt real.

Well, now for the bad part.

Sunday night, we had a grueling two hour conversation that started with him telling me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. It made me want to vomit and I had to fight back tears. It was honestly a little unexpected. We had talked over the weekend and I just saw him and the date went well.

He then went on to tell me that somehow he thought that I thought that he was my boyfriend. And the things that were happening between us made him feel like we were in a serious relationship and he just wasn’t ready for that (he’s newly out of a long relationship). Now, I honestly don’t know where he got this from. First, we had just had a conversation about how he didn’t want to rush things. He told me he liked me and didn’t want to stop seeing me or anything but just wanted to go slow and I was totally fine with that. Second, never have I ever referred to this guy as my boyfriend. In fact, he even referred to himself as single in front of me and it didn’t even phase me. So, seriously, I didn’t understand where this was coming from.

Then, I guess somehow he had the impression that I was mad at him for times that he couldn’t hang out with me. This is something that seems to be a pretty big fear of his because of his past relationship. Again, no idea where he got this from considering any time that he hasn’t been able to hang out, I’ve responded with something along the lines of “cool, maybe we can get together another day.” Over Memorial Day weekend we kept trying to make plans but failed because stuff kept coming up (for him) and I never said anything. So, again, seriously I didn’t understand where this was coming from.

We decided to be friends even though I am a little leery of that because we all know how things went down with Mr. BST but I wanted to try because I believe you have to treat every situation different. I kind of felt as though he liked me but he’s just legitimately freaked out. But, his updates on social media yesterday left me feeling otherwise. Read that as I felt like he liked someone else.

I have since learned that’s not that case and it’s also reminded me why Facebook is the devil. So we are still going to try the friends thing. I know it might be a bad idea because I really don’t know how it’s all going to happen. But, I genuinely would like to continue to have this guy in my life. I value people for who they are not what they are. And he means something to me.

I am still a little confused with the whole dating thing but regardless of what it is the outcome is still the same – he just wants to be friends. Despite the confusion, I have managed to learn a few things here. I am a firm believer that you should learn something from situations like this. That’s part of the point of dating.

First, I think I can handle this whole relationship thing. I confessed quite some time ago that I am ready for one but I will also confess that I was scared of how I was going to react when that happened. Now I know that when I really like a guy I will give him a chance.

Second, I want a guy who wants me and who will be willing to try no matter what it takes. I guess this is technically something that was reiterated to me. Everyone is scared of relationships for one reason or another but being in a relationship isn’t about not being afraid it’s about realizing the reward is so much greater (and also that the person you’re with is worth it). I want a guy who feels the same way.

Third, I want a guy who doesn’t make assumptions about me (yet another point that was reiterated to me). While I thought this guy was getting to know me he wasn’t really listening to who I am, at least not when it comes to all that relationship stuff. He took my sweet gestures and desire to be with him as signs that I was demanding and overly possessive. That’s so not who I am at all.

Don’t get me wrong, no hard feelings here at all. This is all a part of dating. So, I am just going to hope/believe in this friends thing. And I am also going to hope that the confusion will subside.