Questions I Hate: What Do You Do For Fun?

It’s no secret that I feel like I’ve been dating for 100 years. Through all those years of dating I’ve obviously had a number of first encounters with guys. You know, online, speed dating, first dates, etc. And, with all of those first encounters come a lot of questions in order to get to know each other. Some of those questions are fantastic and even though I get asked them often, it makes sense to answer them. But, there are a few that I get asked far too often and that I wish the dating gods would just retire.

It’s no secret that I feel like I’ve been dating for 100 years. Through all those years of dating I’ve obviously had a number of first encounters with guys. You know, online, speed dating, first dates, etc. And, with all of those first encounters come a lot of questions in order to get to know each other. Some of those questions are fantastic and even though I get asked them often, it makes sense to answer them. But, there are a few that I get asked far too often and that I wish the dating gods would just retire.

One of them, actually inspired my very first post as a blogger (when it didn’t use to annoy me as much). But there is another that’s been creeping up on me lately – what do you do for fun?

Now, I can openly admit that a lot of people are probably thinking what the hell Jess? I mean, are you really going to throw a fit about something as little as that? Doesn’t it actually show that a guy is interested in you?

And, I can admit those reactions are valid. After all, the question does seem harmless. I think I should be clear here that I have no problems with the concept itself. I mean, if you’re going to get to know a person then you should probably want to know the kinds of things they enjoy doing, right? But that’s kind of the thing here. There’s really no need for the actual question “what do you do for fun?”. And here’s why:

People will tell you who they are if you just listen.

You’ll learn the things people like by getting to know them. Walk around the city or even just listening to their conversation. When they say things like “last week I went to this concert” or “that is one of my favorite restaurants” then you will start to learn what they do for fun.

It’s really hard to actually list all the things you do for fun

Honestly, I just find it hard to list things I like. It’s hard for me with anything – movies, music, books, you name it. So much of what I like depends on my mood. On any given weekend you’re likely to find me watching Parking Wars, writing, or drinking at my local watering hole. Now, that doesn’t mean these are the only things that I like to do or that I am not open to doing other things, it’s just that I tend to be a creature of habit and those are the things I do most often.

Do I like other things like museums, the park, an occasional movie or the theater, antique stores and street fairs? Absolutely.  Am I open to suggestions and trying new things? You bet. But, the last time I went to a museum was when I first moved to New York City last summer. It’s been months since I’ve seen a movie and even longer since I’ve done the theater or a street fair.  So, it seems a little weird to not include them in my list but it can appear sketchy to group them with the things I do most often.

People aren’t always self-aware.

It’s not that people necessarily lie about themselves, but it’s more that they just aren’t aware of how much they really like to do (or not do) something. It’s also really easy to hear something someone else likes and think you could like that too so you say you like it too. And, of course, it’s easy to want to agree with someone just so they’ll like you.  Again, this is why it’s better to see what a person likes for yourself.

Side note: I can’t totally take credit for this because it was brought to my attention by one of my Facebook friends, Karin Anderson. You might remember her from a blog post a I wrote a while back about her book It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet.