Things you should never say to a woman during sex
Last Saturday I went out with one of my favorite gal pals. It was one of those nights where we hadn’t planned on staying out that late. In fact I think we were on our last drink around midnight and somehow that turned into 3AM.
Just before leaving the bar, I decided invite a guy friend over to my place. By friend I mean a guy I have hung out with a little and messed around with a lot. In my drunken haze it seemed like a genius idea. Though, I mean who am I kidding? Even if I had been completely sober it would have seemed like a great idea. Our romps had always been fun before (that is, up until Saturday night).
Now, before I go any further, this post is really not about bad sex per se. I genuinely believe that sex is a private matter and while I do share bits of it here I am not out to embarrass or make fun of anyone. That to me just seems mean spirited and that’s not my style. The point of this post is what happened which I feel was just wrong and, frankly, a little immature on his part.
On to the story. He came over to my place. We started kissing and fooling around. Then he asked if I wanted to have sex (I am omitting his exact words). I said I did and we started.
A little while into it and things weren’t going well. Actually things were just plain awful. We tried a few different things but for some reason it just didn’t seem to be working. I really didn’t think it was a big deal. I mean this was the first time we were having sex and it's not like we had been at it for hours or something. In other words, there were plenty of things we could still try before totally giving up.
So we kept going and trying to make it work. He kept stopping to get a better “angle” (his words, not mine). And then we would start again. Then, as he stopped once again to get a better “angle” he said:
“I am sorry I am just not used to doing this with girls with big thighs.”
I was mortified. I mean I know I am a not a small girl. But we have messed around enough for the size of my thighs to not really be a shocker. Plus, I mean I don’t think they are the size of Texas or anything.
I am pretty sure he saw the look of complete and utter humiliation on my face because then he said:
“Big thighs are a really good thing though.”
Yeah, nice recovery but not really. I don’t think there is really any recovering after that. I mean, could a guy recover if I made an insulting comment about the size of his penis? Probably not.
I couldn’t recover after that point so I pretty much told him to stop. And he left a little bit later.
Now, I am not a woman who needs a guy to stroke my ego the entire time we are doing it. But hearing positive things – like how I am sexy or if I doing something right – are never unwelcomed during the act. And sometimes those kinds of things make me get a little more into it, which clearly works in everyone’s favor. I think that’s a pretty normal thing.
I have replayed this situation over and over in my head. I would like to say that his comment just rolled off my shoulders, but as a woman who was once a whole lot bigger than I am now my body is something that I am conscious of sometimes. It’s not that I am losing any sleep over it or anything. But when you have it put to you like that, as a reason that a guy can’t perform sex as well as he normally can, I think it’s pretty understandable why it might bother me.
The more I think about it, it kind of makes me wonder if he felt his “manhood” was insulted or something. You know, that whole idea that a guy should know what he’s doing in the bedroom and should be able to please a woman. So maybe blaming (and insulting) me was just his defense. But honestly the idea that he wasn't being a real man wasn't something I even thought of. That's not really something I would ever think of actually. The fact of the matter is we have all had awkward sex before and there are so many reasons for that to happen.
Sometimes it’s just because you are with someone new and you have to figure out how you both fit together. Everyone likes different things, so honestly if a guy knows exactly what I like the second that we start doing it I might be a little worried. I mean you have to work with foreplay a little. Sex is no different.
Sometimes it’s just because you don’t have that kind of awesome chemistry in the bedroom. Sure, it doesn’t make sense when you are totally attracted to a person and then you start fooling around and there is nothing. But it happens. And it really has nothing to do with anyone’s manhood or talents. Actually you both could be incredibly talented in that area but you just aren’t good together.
Then of course there is the fact that maybe one of you (or both of you) just isn’t that good in the sack. Though often times that’s a matter of perception because we all like what we like when it comes to sex. So what I think is good might be terrible to another person and vice versa. But even then I still think you give it your best and try to make it an enjoyable experience.
Honestly, I think in any situation where there is bad sex that you should try to do something. And I know this was just a sex buddies kind of situation. But even in that case, shouldn’t you still want to try to give it your best effort to make it work?
And no, I am not saying that only the guy should be doing something here. I am talking about both parties involved. You both have to try and work at it. You both have to do something to make it enjoyable. You have to do anything other than blaming it on the size of a woman’s thighs (or anything else that will insult the other person). Because honestly at that moment, nothing could have killed the mood faster for me.
And without the comment about my thighs, this situation could have had a totally different outcome.